Finding Healing & Confidence with Sophia Coulanges

Finding Healing & Confidence with Sophia Coulanges

About Sophia Coulanges

Life coach and author Sophia Coulanges shares how embracing your voice and story leads to healing, confidence, and freedom. Hear how her journey inspired her to create spaces for transformation and empower others to live authentically and boldly.

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Introduction

Good, beautiful day, beautiful, beautiful souls! This is Charla Anderson, host of the Charla Anderson Show~Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (& EVERYONE is Fascinating!), especially you.

Author of the missing Peace. That’s P E A C E. Sophia Coulanges has resilience as her middle name from from an immigrant to amazing leader Cannot wait for you to learn all about who she is…

…BUT FIRST…

We’re going to take just a moment to do my 22-second mini vacation. That be still for a moment, breathing in calm for four seconds, holding for four seconds and releasing gratitude for 11 seconds. So, please join me as we take a breath. We’ve done some calm. Oh, relax, release. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

Wow. Well, I’m so grateful to have you here, Sophia. So thank you so much for taking your time and joining us today on the Charla Anderson Show. And, you know, we’re both in Texas, which is fun. And we met, you found me, I think, on a Meet a Guest program that you know, we both had joined. So I’m excited to get to know you and to find out all about that Missing Peace novel that you wrote, P-E-A-C-E, because there’s that Shel Silverstein book called The Missing Peace, you know, P-E-A-C-E. So it’s a completely different type of book. So I can’t wait to get into all of that. And just tell us who you are in this world, Sophia. I want to learn all about you. 

Thank you so much for having me on your show today. I am really ecstatic to be here and I’m really honored that you took the time out of your day to extend the invitation to me. What do I do? Who am I? I am a counsellor. I am a therapist. I am a friend. I am a daughter. I am an auntie. I am a supervisor at a juvenile detention center. I am a mentor. I am a coach. I do all the things. My hands are in so many different things and so many different parts of people’s lives. I am kind. I am loving. I am caring. I’m empathetic. If those are my character traits of who I am. But most importantly, I am a servant. 

And I think that’s the title that I love the most of anyone else. I like to serve others in whatever capacity I may, whether it’s giving them a hug or giving them advice. And so that I am an author, I am a speaker. And so I’m all those things, but the one that I find the most and most fulfilling to my heart is the fact that I get to serve. I get to serve my community. I get to serve my family. I get to serve my friends. I serve myself. I serve at my church. So I think that’s the part of my heart that is so much more fulfilled, is the fact that I get to be a servant. Out of all those titles, nothing else matters more to me is my ability to serve others in whatever the capacity may be. 

That’s awesome. I’m a server. I was a flight attendant for 34 years. So, you know, that mission field of those people on the plane, I’m a server, an encourager. So I can relate to that 100%. So that’s, you do have your hands in a lot of things. And I know you were a, you, you help, especially youth, right, with substance abuse issues and integrating them into their lives. Yeah. I’d love to know a little bit about that. Because it’s, it’s the peer pressure these days is there’s just something a lot different than when I was raised. It feels like there, you know, there’s a lot of confusion in our world. And so how do you, how do you help those, those, uh, 

I got into that field in 2019, but I was working with adults. When I moved here to Texas six years ago, I started working at a juvenile detention center and my passion was always substance abuse. It was, I don’t have, you know, thank God I don’t have that in my family. However, I just drew a liking to that. I just drew, I just wanted to help them where I was working at in 2019. So when I moved to Texas, I wanted to get back into that field. And I got introduced to working with the youth in that aspect. And so when I started to work with them, it was just like, boom again, right? It was like my love again. Yeah, substance use, a lot of times people have this taboo that you can just quit, you can just stop, but it’s also, it’s not that easy. 

And I want people to be able to extend grace, right? And get the people to help get the education. that they need as they’re going or seeing their loved ones go through that, to understand the chemical imbalances, right? And then that’s the natural part of it. And if you think about the spiritual aspect of it, that’s a stronghold that’s trying to keep that person from living, right? From living the lives that they were called to live according to the Lord. And so, when people get the understanding of what that really is, they’ll have more compassion, they’ll have more grace for people who are going through substance abuse. 

Absolutely. Grace is a word, I mean, of course, it’s a wonderful word. I’ve known it all my life, but it’s continually risen in my world in the last week or two, right? I’ve been hearing it a lot at church and different uses of that grace, but grace is huge, and judgment is not a good thing. So we often are, you know, I have in my little book, you know, I talk about this a lot, and I quote from this teeny little book, Candy Bar Hugs, it doesn’t take much to make a difference, but I quote from my little book a lot about unconditional love, unconditional forgiveness, not unconditional boundaries, and the harder people are to love, the more they need it. 

And yeah, so these addictive personalities. Now I have my second book and I talk about this too, Split Second Transformation, change your words, change your life, 31 daily practices. Little ways to start changing your life, and you can have a split-second transformation. It is possible. I don’t think it has to be hard and long in some cases, right? So some people can, I remember my daddy when I was maybe five years old or something. I remember him coming in, crushing a package of cigarettes, and he never picked them up again. I mean, he just, it’s like, I’m done. And so it can be done, but it’s usually not quite that easy as far as overcoming. I’m guessing that your experience in trying to help people, it’s often, but they gotta love themselves enough. They gotta love themselves enough to let God’s love come in and heal them, right? This isn’t, and we’re not talking religion here. We’re talking, you know, life, love. 

Correct. And there has to be a willingness and a willpower, right? That this one… And support. It’s not easy. It’s not. I see it every day, and I have to go through it and explain to families daily how, because a lot of families are not educated on the aspect of what addiction is. They’re like, they could just stop. Just like they started, they can just stop. But once your body starts to be chemically imbalanced and become dependent on this thing, it’s hard for it to just stop, right? 

Yeah, it’s a dependency. You know, I love coffee. It would be hard for me to stop coffee, although I don’t feel like I’m addicted to it. I just love it, you know. But even that, you know, some things are easier than others. But the hold on our youth and not just youth, but the hold on our society, I believe we’ve had so much confusion. I believe it’s almost designed and has been an agenda to keep us in confusion and frenetic and divisive and, you know, all these things that are not pleasant and that we notice, I’m outrageously optimistic that our world is getting better. But in the meantime, there’s a lot of craziness out here. And I’m not so certain it hasn’t been designed that way for some reason, sadly, for a long time. But that’s not the story today. But that’s just kind of my take on it. So do you have any thoughts on that? 

I just believe, like I was saying earlier, it’s like, yeah, you constantly have to show compassion I think that’s what our world is missing right now. As much as you optimistically want to be great, I think the essence of compassion has lost itself. And so I think in a world where everything is just self, self, self, self, self, we need to pause and remember what the scripture says, love your neighbor as thyself. Treat others as you would want to be treated. I think those things are important in like society and just everyday practices. 

You know, I’ve said, you know, what if there was three, three laws is really all we need. Be kind, do the right thing, you know, and wipe up after you clean up after yourself. And it’s a golden rule, basically, you know, that is, and if we, if we all did that and got over this, spirit of offense. I feel like there’s a spirit of offense. Everybody’s wanting and waiting to be offended so that they can have their righteous indignation or something like that. And I just shake my head going, what is all that about? Why do we think we have to be offended all the time? I don’t like it. 

The offense spirit is running rampant, but it all goes back to one: proximity gets you to understand love. And a lot of times people are not being vulnerable enough to the people around them. So offense tends to creep up easier, often more often than not. So with proximity, if I know your character and I know who you are, it’s harder for you to offend me because I’m like, she’s probably just having a bad day because that’s out of her character, right? And so we also have to take inventory of what’s going on in us that we are easily offended. And I think the part that oftentimes we don’t see is the Peace of taking our own self inventory. 

What about this situation is triggering me? What about this situation is causing this emotion to arise? But oftentimes we wanna put blame. We wanna cast blame and blame someone else and not take that inventory. Because I say to my clients all the time, our feelings aren’t facts. It’s a fact that we’re feeling them, but our feelings are not facts. And when we start to believe that and actually pause when those feelings come up and assess the facts of the situation, majority of the time, what we’re upset about has nothing to do with what’s going on right now. 

So, so, so true. Oh my goodness. So, so true. And if we could pause just for two seconds before we respond, and give ourselves, I’m sure you teach that, take a moment, take a breath, take a breath, take a breath, you know, all those things you said in the very beginning, I teach my little, oh, my little grandbaby, I was gonna show her a picture, but it’s not there. She’s got all her little affirmations, and she says, I am smart, I am helpful, I am healthy, I am trustworthy, I am respectful, I mean, I teach her all these little words so that she begins to understand. And I’m trying to teach her now to instead of, you know, reacting, you know, I’m like, take a breath. Think is this is this worth getting upset over? You know, because upset draws upset. And we know that, you know, so we, you know, it escalates. So she’s, she’s so smart. 

And it’s fun to watch her mature like that. You know you I would say you can hardly I can I can hardly be offended I just and there’s a book called that I I’ve just got a new one just like I give them away, but the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is the book I’ve recommended most for many many years because And the four agreements think about this have you read that book are you familiar with it? Oh, that’s the first time I’ve seen it It’s when I heard about it, I was like, what I kind of say, somebody said it saved their marriage. I’m like, wow, okay, I’ll take a look. The four agreements are be impeccable with your word. Don’t take things personally. Imagine that one. Don’t take it personally. Don’t make assumptions. 

And always do your best and can you imagine if our world I did I assume that you cut you cut me off on purpose when you know and the truth of the matter they didn’t see you or they have to go the bathroom worse than you do you know I mean it’s something why do you why and and then Michael Singer wrote some The Untethered Soul and some things and when I discovered his work and he’s like we’re on this And since Let There Be Light and Eternity, we’re a tiny pinprick in time. Yes. Here on this little wall or flat earth or wall worth, whatever we want to call it these days, whoever’s winning that argument, I don’t know. But we’re on a tiny speck in the spectrum of eternity. And we get just these few seconds, you know of life 70 years 80. I’m 71. 

So I guess I’ve got 120 as I’m claiming but and why do we spend it offended and upset and it’s precious and we should I Don’t like to use the word should but why are we so offended, you know, and and so upset so much of the time instead of You know letting it be relax, release, let it go, relax, release, let it go. And just keep on smiling, right? So that’s to me is something that it’s a perspective. Yeah. That’s when I read that, and I was like, Oh, you know, that’s so true. Why do we go around being upset and offended all the time when you know, it’s our precious time, our precious life? 

Yeah. And I think like you said is, you said something about relax. Relax, release and let it go. Relax, release, let it go. And I think a lot of times people are so willing to hold on to the hurt. because they don’t know what the opposite of healing look like, or they don’t want to put in the work. I’ve been so attached to these things that I don’t want to put the work in, hence why your life is stagnated, hence why you’re having those same responses, right? Because you’re allowing things that no longer suits you, right? No longer benefits your growth to you’re still holding on to those things. And that causes us not to be able to mature. 

That causes us, one, to go through life angry, hurt, hurt people, hurt people. We’re making more enemies than anything else because we’re hurting and we don’t know how to express that. And we’re not even talking about the very things that are hurting us. So we’re spilling over that garbage in our relationships, in our careers, with our families, in our communities, right? So I think it’s the aspect of people not want, they don’t know what’s on the other side of healing, right? I know what’s on the side of pain, but I don’t even wanna test out what’s on the other side of healing. So we get these people that are just stuck. We get these people that are just angry, right? That’s their norm. 

And they really, you know, I don’t believe our society has given us the tools to know how to manage life, really. I mean, I know in the schools, they’re not teaching us how to manage daily life, how to write a check, you know, not that anybody does that anymore, you know, how to, you know, just normal common sense, common courtesy. manners. I did a course, I mean, I did, yeah, many courses. It was like, Nana says so, how to, how to treat, you know, how to teach your children and grandchildren to have common sense, common courtesy, manners, and lift each other. And, and, and one of the ways I say it to mine is like, I love you too much, not, not to limit your screen time, or I love you too much not to encouraged you to go outside or I love you too much to allow you to be disrespectful. 

And so that’s a great term that I came up with. And, you know, I do believe that we just have somehow we just let it go. We let a big box on the wall or in our hand, you know, train our kids, you know, and train us as well, train our minds to And there’s nothing but fear in there. Who I am is bold faith, no fear. Who I say I am is bold faith, no fear. And that’s who I am, because what I say after I am is who I am. And it’s God’s name in me. So I try not to diminish what I say about myself. So what I am is God’s word in you. That’s God living in you. So we’ve got to start calling, stop being so casual with our words that we say to ourselves. 

But that’s the thing. We have to know the word in order to say the word. And then we also have to have that self-confidence in order for us to call those things that are not as if they were. And I think that’s one of the things that, one, is not being taught. And then, two, we’re not spending time enough to study. to show ourselves approved, right? I can’t say that I am a child of God if I never sit at the feet of God. Cause it’s a difference to know, to say, right? And then there’s a difference to have relationship with. Those are two different things. And I think a lot of times where we don’t understand the power of our words, which causes us not to be able to speak those things. We’re so conditioned to think about the negative things first because of our past experiences. Our experiences creates your world, right? Whatever I’ve experienced majority of the time is what’s going to be my output on life. If I’ve experienced struggle majority of my life, I’m not gonna think that I am capable of getting out of this.

I am capable of being the next millionaire. I am capable of being the next author because I didn’t see that. Right. So my imagination of what my life looks like, of course, is going to be like, I’m going to struggle and I’m going to do this. And it’s going to all look negative because of my experiences. But then if I get around some people in some community that’s able to pull those things out, right, that is able to call those things forth. Right. Then I’m able to, I call it the training wheel effect, right? And what is that, Sophia? It’s finding hope in the people around you until you have the ability to have it for yourself, until you have the ability to take those training wheels off, right? And move into that direction for yourself, that’s when you start to build the confidence. And I created that little saying because that’s what I had to do. 

That’s my story. That’s a part of who I am. That’s a part of, I had to have faith in other people who saw the leader, who saw the author, who saw the woman of God, who saw the anointing, who saw the calling on my life. I had to have that hope because that wasn’t a thought for me. Because all my life I thought I was not gonna be good enough. I’m not good enough. My skin color disqualifies me. You know, all the things, like a lot of the things were based on my skin tone, right? It caused me to disqualify myself. Go ahead. 

No, go ahead, what you’re saying. 

Yes, like my skin tone disqualified me. So it caused me to cast myself out of rooms in places and in things that I knew were for me. It caused me to shrink when I needed to stand tall. but I was around some people, right? I was able to see the very things that were on the inside of me and call those things forth. And I had to stay around those people as training wheels. You know, you have, you have those two training wheels before you could find your balance before you could find your stance, right? In order for you to let them go and move forward. And so when I started to believe that I can, to believe that I am called, to believe that there is a gifting and anointing over my life, to believe I have a voice that can change an atmosphere when I walk in, that I am an atmosphere changer. When I started to believe those things as much as they were saying it to me, when I took the control to believe, I was able to start writing it out. 

That’s awesome. Truly. And I wanted to, I do want to talk about your story. A couple of things I want to bring up, but you, let’s, let’s talk about your book. It’s a novel called the, we, we mentioned it, but the missing Peace P-E-A-C-E, but it’s a novel. So tell me about that story. Yes. I wouldn’t, and I, I think, Well, just what do you have to say? What is that story? It’s a novel. Is it kind of of your life or is it? 

It’s a novel about my life. It’s aspects of my life, pieces of my life, right? So the title came in. Just a little backstory context before I go in. I was journaling. I was a very dark place in my life. Very dark place, working a midnight graveyard shift. And I’m not one to express myself. I’m not, at that moment, I wasn’t one to speak. I was very quiet, not shy quiet. I just didn’t want people in my business, that type of quiet. I said very few things to answer your question and I kept all the other information to myself. And so I was at his job working the graveyard shift, and I just had so much on my heart that I wanted to relax, release and let go, right? And so I just started journaling. I got a composition book from Walmart and I remember going to work in order to keep myself up. I was like, okay, I’m going to study for a certain amount of time because all my clients were asleep. I did my job the first hour and I had seven more hours to go. So I had to be up. So I did my schoolwork in the midst and then I started to journal. the other half of my time. And when I started to journal, that was the way I released. I told someone, if you want to know anything about me, I leave 150% of myself on paper. And so I just started to journal and that was my healing ground. And in the midst of that, 

I heard the Lord in my prayer time, the Lord says, you’re going to turn this into a book. I laughed because I’m saying, I don’t want people in my business. I don’t want nobody to know anything about my life, my struggles, what I think about myself. I don’t want people judging me, all the things. And so I just started to write. And when I moved here in 2019, I think I released the book in 2021. In 2001, I released the book. And so I started to just write, and one of the biggest things for me that this book is, it shows me that different pieces of our lives, right, are the different pieces, P-E-A-C-E, the different pieces of our lives are all connected, right? But sometimes we lose the Peace, the P-E-A-C-E, because we’re looking at, right, the trauma,

We’re looking at the trials, we’re looking at, the what happened to me, the why me part, but we’re not looking at the P-E-A-C-E where God, no matter what, is still in the Peaces. He’s still in the Peaces. It’s the Peaces that bring forth peace. It’s the Peaces, right? So the missing Peace in the Peaces of my life and the different parts and the aspects of my story, it was hard for me to see God in them. It’s not until all of it started to make sense, I’m like, you’ve been here all along. Because I never took the time to pause. I never took the time to reflect. I never took the time to really sit in and like, God, you didn’t allow this to take me out. You didn’t allow me to take me out. because you were in the Peaces all along. You were in the story all along. I just didn’t recognize your Peace. And that’s what came about the missing Peace because it was like aspects of my life where I thought that there was no peace and peace had always been there. From the very beginning, peace was there. 

From the- don’t have the don’t have the capacity to really we don’t have the tools to recognize that but it is you’re right it’s he’s there’s no place he isn’t so he is inside of you so that that’s really cool that the missing P-E-A-C-E but it‘s aspects of your life which I want to get into a little bit about well I’m gonna take a mini moment 

I’m going to call it a mini moment because I want to put insert. I’m kind of new at doing this, but I’m going to insert a little commercial that I did about something that I have a strong attachment to. It’s called Zenzino. It’s a test based, testing your inflammation and your omegas for disease. So we’re going to throw in a little quick break right now and we’ll be right back. All right. And so we’re back with Sophia Coulanges. And we’re gonna spell that now. Go ahead and spell your name. So it’s a, cause if people are listening and not watching, they can, it’s gonna be harder. It’s a little hard to spell. 

So my last name is spelled C-O-U-L-A-N-G-E-S and that says Coulanges. So Sophia with an A at the end. 

So Sophia Coulanges. And let me just, I’m going to speak this too, because what we’re talking about is Zinzino in the break, and charlaanderson.com/Z-I-N-Z-I-N-O, charlaanderson.com/Zinzino, Z-I-N-Z-I-N-O, because I don’t think it’s spoken in that ad. So anyway, back to the show here. So that’s kind of fun. I’ve never really monetized my show, but I’m ready to move into that a little bit. So what I want to hear, you were an immigrant? Yes. And was it what country? I’m from St. Martin. St. Martin in the Caribbean. OK. Well, you know, unless I read it wrong, read something wrong, it seems like you had a pretty tough childhood. you know, immigrant, like you said earlier, you didn’t feel seen or heard or didn’t feel good. You know, what I know is that there’s not one of us, and I’ve had discussion about this recently, there’s not one of us that don’t feel inadequate, no matter what. And we make these stories up about our situations, right? 

And then we something happens we make up a story about it and we stick it back here and and and forget that we it was a story about what happened and Then it’s like see I told you I was stupid. See I told you I you know, I made an F I’m saying I told you I was stupid and he’s you know, you the F is the fact the story is that you’re stupid, you know, that’s just an example you place it back here and you can you know self-fulfilling prophecy see I told you and you continue doing things that prove it to yourself that you’re stupid. And that’s just an example. You were talking about skin color. And I know that God, if we all went into the room and pricked our finger and spread, I don’t care what color you are, your blood’s red. And I’ve never understood why we have that even as an issue. And what do you have to do about it, right? 

What could you choose? So anyway, that’s a little tangent on that. But we all bleed red, and I don’t understand that skin color should have anything to do with anything in the bigger picture. So yeah, I haven’t experienced it like you have, but it’s incomprehensible to me that we all bleed red. So it shouldn’t be anything to fight about. Anyway, enough about that unless you have something to add, because I’m like, 

No, it’s one of the things that a lot of times is not spoken about in our community. You can be black and still be considered different. And so that was something that I experienced. But I think that that was one of the things that caused me to be and believe in who I am today. And that I didn’t want the opinions of other people to be who caused me not to love myself. For years, that was a thing. And so I no longer want those voices to keep me bound, right, in a story that doesn’t belong to me, right? 

Of course it doesn’t. I mean, you’re beautiful. I mean, you know, we all are. And we are all loved before we were created in our mother’s wombs, right? We were loved and created for such a time as this, exactly. So anyway, but the harshness, I don’t know if that little Peace I was able to read out of your book, the excerpt that talked about your mom kind of blaming you for 

the hardships. It was said a couple of times, and I think that was hard because it was just the both of us. And I felt like because I was the one that also wasn’t documented, it made her not documented. So that blame, I put it on myself. And mind you, I’m two, three or at that going through this process and always feeling like the reason you suffer is because of me. Right. So that was Blame, a blame that I put on myself, right? A lot of times because it, you know, like, of course you get mad, you know, and you say things. I don’t think she said it like as I grow up and as I, you know, learn and unlearn things. I don’t think it was said maliciously. I think in the heat of the moment, like, I’m going through this because of you, was like, that was the facts, right? How it made me feel, right, was my interpretation of what the fact was, right? 

So for years, I did believe that I was to blame. She didn’t love me enough because of this, because I was the one, you know, that prevented I wouldn’t say prevented her from getting it, but I was undocumented, which caused her to be undocumented. And it was just a cycle of things and the money spent and the people. I don’t wish that experience on my worst enemy. I don’t have any, but if I did, I wouldn’t even wish that on them because going through that as a kid, It was a lot. It was a lot of like court cases, courts, court systems, lawyers, like before the judge and all these things, a lot of denials, a lot of denials, denials, denials, until one day it finally happened. And so I’m grateful for that, but like going through that when I was younger, it made me feel like I was the blame. Like if I wasn’t here, Life would have been better for you. You know, all the things that we can say to ourselves or the enemy will whisper into our ears to cause us to feel as if, you know, it’s your fault, right? And so for years, 

I believed that it was my fault. And as I grew older and I, you know, started to go back and go to therapy and do all the work, I noticed like that was how I took the situation. Right? That was not ever, I don’t, my mom is not the type to make me feel this way, but that’s how I, in that moment, that’s how I felt. My feelings were real to me in that moment, in those moments. And so going through that was hard. 

I can only imagine. And trying to, I say this, I had a friend that came from, I think Albania years and years ago, he, he, he’s still a good friend of mine, but he, he was, he said, there’s not another country in the world that has the word dream after it. There is no Polish dream. You know, it’s American dream. And as crazy as our country seems right now, people still want to be here and flock to this American dream. And going through this system is, I’m sure, a challenge. And it’s worth it. Obviously, it was worth it to your mom. It was. To go through this system and figure it out. And at this point, you’re an American citizen, right? So it was worth the pain to be able to have the American dream in whatever that shape looks to you. 

It was, and I think like our parents, a lot of times being immigrant kids is like our parents come from a situation to provide us with a better life, with better opportunities that they didn’t get that, you know, they weren’t privy to, right? My parents, they have a high school degree, right? Me and my siblings collectively, right? master’s two masters, three master’s degrees. I’m working on my doctoral degree, right? So it’s, I’m a step ahead of them because that was the goal. I’m not equal to them. When they came, they were taking jobs that were nothing, paying for nothing. I have a job where I’m in a career If I really want to make my job my career, 

I can do that. And if I want to change my job as well, I have the opportunity to do that, right? Because of my education, because of my experiences, I’m able to maneuver my life, whereas they had to take jobs that they didn’t even want to take, right? In order to provide those opportunities and for us to have access to those resources. I don’t take what they’ve done. I take it as an honor. I’m humbled for their accomplishments to even come here, do this, build from zero, not speaking English. In our household, we do speak another language. 

However, I’m able to speak I’m able to speak a different language. I’m able to say I’m bilingual, you know, speaking my language and English as well, like reading, writing, being able to get to this educational success rate. It’s all because of them. And if they didn’t take the risk and they didn’t take the chance to come and to migrate here to provide this opportunity for us, then we wouldn’t have been doing, Lord knows where we would have been, right? what we would have been doing. So I’m really grateful that they did take the risk. I’m really grateful that they did come here to give us a better life. And so we’re able to achieve, we’re able to quote unquote, live the American dream, whatever that is to that specific individual, because each and every person have a different understanding and a different dream, right? Not two people have the same dream, right? And so that’s one of the things that I’m grateful for. Right. So, yeah. 

So Andy Dooley is his name. He came over here with about a hundred dollars in his name in his pocket. He was a pizza delivery driver on a bicycle. And when he got a car, it honked by itself. And he’s now a multimillionaire. So just, you know, there and I see it seems to me that perhaps those of us born and raised here have lost the dream aspect of it. At least some of the younger people have lost that this this, they still can have the American dream. You know, they’ve got a sense of entitlement sometimes maybe instead of, but I noticed most of the people that are immigrant here are hard, hard workers. They are so grateful to have opportunities that they didn’t have in their home country. So, That’s my take on it. Does that resonate with you? 

Yeah, I could definitely say there is a difference between some of my friends that are born here and then me and some of my other friends that are born outside of the US. And just to hear our dynamics, our different perspectives, they feel like we work harder, I believe, and we’re more go-getters and I feel as if sometimes they feel as if it’s handed to them and so our ethics are different, you know, our drive sometimes, our ambitions are different because we understand the sacrifices that were made in order for us to get here. 

That’s beautiful. I really, you know, so I’m very in awe and I do, I know the process is hard but I think It’s worth it if you if you want to be here, make the effort. Right. So that’s so you. Let me see. So that was about what year were you? Did your family come here? How many years has it been? 

I’ve been here. I’m thirty three. I have been here since I was two. So thirty one years ago. 

Wow. Wow. Yeah. So, and your parents, do they live nearby? 

They’re still here. They’re in Florida and I live in Texas. 

So, were they able to make a better life for themselves after? I mean, I know you guys did, the kids did. Sure, for sure. They were able to get better jobs and careers and stuff too? Correct. Yes, for sure. 

Yeah, they’re all situated, settled. They’re older now, so they’re looking into retiring, all the things. 

I mean, I just think it’s like, you know, a fairytale story in a way. You know, you come here, you come for the American dream, and you get, it works. Yeah. And anyway, so I enjoy that. And one of the, so going back to your book and your life and all this thing, one of your quotes, favorite quotes, is behind every woman there’s a story that gave her her voice. Yes. There is always a story in this. So my show is about overcoming, right? It’s about this story of overcoming, about offering hope. And the time goes pretty fast. We’re winding down. So I want you to make sure you get whatever message you have, what you want to share with this world, and what’s the most important thing or the voice that you have past your story. 

So I think one of the biggest things in my message is to tell your story, right? Show up for yourself. Do not allow your circumstances, your situations to cause your voice to be stifled, to cause your voice to be mute. Because behind every person, whether male, female, whether white, black, they have a story and that story gives them a voice. That story allows them to be who they are because their story is not my story. We’re all uniquely designed differently and we all uniquely go through a different process in order for that masterPeace to show up. in order for that person to become who they are, that flower to bloom. 

They’re probably planted in different soil. The soil does not matter. It’s about the seed that was planted, which blooms whatever it is. And I think that’s one of the things that I encourage people, bloom. No matter the soil, no matter how rocky it is, no matter… One of my favorite things is a rose being grown out of concrete, meaning despite the trials, despite the hardship, I am going to blossom. I am going to become the person that I was called to be, right? And I think behind every person that there is a voice, there is an anointing, there is a calling over your life. to bloom. 

There is a seed planted inside of you to grow. So grow that seed. Get around some people that will be able to water your soil. Get around some people that are able to speak life into those places that might seem dark. that get around some people that are able to call forth those things around you because it is a season and a time for you to bloom. It is a season and a time for your voice to be heard because there are a lot of people out here who are dying because they are so stuck. and not believing in themselves. And it’s time out for those things because you matter, your voice matters, your story matters.

And most importantly, you are called, you are destined, you are formed and uniquely purposed to be in this world. So grow, bloom, do whatever it takes for you to be the best version of yourself. And that is my message to the world. Speak, be authentic, be you, be who you are called to be. Don’t shrink. Wherever you go, shine. Shine your light so bright so your people can find you. Because if we’re dimming, they’re not finding you. If you’re hiding, they can’t see you. But if you speak, they will be attracted to you. If you shine, they will come looking for you. So shine, baby, shine. That is my message. Shine. 

I love it. Oh my goodness. So if God is love, he can’t be not love. This is something that I feel people feel like I was raised that there’s a big old judgment God. And God is love. He loves. He loves you no matter what. He loves you. I say this a lot on my show, Torci. No matter who and where you are, you are loved by God, whether you like it or not or know it or not. And if you’re in the gutter and you don’t like where that is, If you can take a breath, you’ve been provided for. If you can take a breath, you have been provided for in this moment in time.

And from let there be light at the very beginning of time to now, where you are, I say it like this, where we are is all we have. We don’t have any other place to be than right here, right now, in this moment in time, because everything has orchestrated to have us here. And if we can take a breath, good circumstances are bad, we have an opportunity to be provided for in the next second. 

We can’t change the last second. We can’t change how we got here, but we can change where we’re headed. If we choose, it’s all choice, it’s all choice, it’s all choice. You get to choose. You want to stay in the gutter or if you want to lift your head up and go, I can take a breath, I can make a choice. And for the most of us, we live in a country that we can find some help. And you’re one of the ones that are helping people. So find somebody that will help you get back on your feet, help you have hope, help you have joy in your life. And I, in my show, would choose joy every week, because I found out it’s what my name means, too. Really, Charla, there’s a derivative of joy. 

We have opportunity. And this is my encouragement, the story about overcoming and offering hope, this show, that’s what we’re doing here. We want everyone to live a life of peace, P-E-A-C-E, peace. Pull those Peaces together like your book is, and find that book on Amazon, right? I’ll have the link in the notes. What a, yeah, the missing P-E-A-C-E, wow, I love that. And I like that you’re showing it. So you don’t have, right now, I don’t think you have a website, so we’re gonna find you on, we can get your landing page set up, okay, so we can find you on. 

I definitely need to work on getting a landing page set up. I think I’m gonna work on that. 

Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn. Facebook, Instagram, and do they find you with S-O-P-H-I-A-Coulanges? Yes. C-O-U-L-A-N-G-E-S. Yes, ma’am. Find her on Amazon. There’s other books called that, and you got to spell P-E-A-C-E. Last question, I think, because we’re going to have to go. Why did you write it as a novel instead of a biography? 

because I gave people tools in aspects of like what forgiveness looks like. You know, I gave them steps. I gave them steps in looking like making sure they’re paying attention to their children and how they respond when certain people come around. It was just different aspects. And then I gave them a journaling session so they could write a letter to themselves, because those are things that helped me, you know, in my journey. And so I just wanted people to be aware of that. And that’s why I didn’t make it into a biography, bibliography. Autobiography, I think. Autobiography. Yeah, yeah. Because I wanted people to be a little interactive as well, and just not a story about my life, but giving people tools and insight on different aspects, on certain things, right? Why forgiveness is important, why letting go is important, right? Or like making peace with some of your situations and some of your experiences. 

Well, where you are is all you have. You might as well love it. That’s, you know, that’s my line there because where else do you have to be than where you are right now? No. And so, and know, we get into the complaining thing and we get more to complain about. Upset draws upset. So, all these lessons and many of them I say over and over and over and over on this, on my talks and on my shows. So, I want, sometimes it takes a few times to hear something before it starts sinking in, right? Well, I’m so grateful for your time today, Sophia. We’re gonna wind her down and hopefully we’ll be in communication, communion sometime, maybe meet up in person sometime. 

Yes, we’re on the opposite side, but we could come together. 

Right, you’re east of Dallas, and I’m actually east of Fort Worth, but I’m west of DFW airport, so we’re different counties, but same vicinity. Yes. So thank you so very, very much. And I look forward to hearing from you again. And let’s stay in touch. And remember to always, always, always choose joy. 

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About  Sophia Coulanges

Through her work, she emphasizes authenticity, perspective, and healing. As the author of ‘The Missing Peace’, Sophia combines academic expertise and real-life experience to empower others to live boldly and confidently.

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Let’s jump on a discovery call and get to know each other. Find all things Charla at CharlaAnderson.com/links.

On The Charla Anderson Show, We discuss Mindset, How much Your WORDS matter, Princess to Queen energy, mantras, HOPE, Faith, Miracles, Overcoming, and much, much more, including learning from amazing guests.

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