Where Have Unmet Expectations Dimmed Your Delight?
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Introduction
Good, beautiful day, beautiful, beautiful souls! This is Charla Anderson, host of the Charla Anderson Show~Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (& EVERYONE is Fascinating!), especially you.
Where have unmet expectations dimmed your delight? I wrote that question a few weeks ago and I was deciding that a solo show, I wanted to do a solo show about it. So here we are. I believe that unmet expectations are the key, are the key to many of our disappointments and our dissatisfaction. So let’s dig in.
…BUT FIRST…
We’re going to do that 22-second mini vacation, that little breathing exercise. We’re going to breathe in some calm for seven seconds and breathe in and hold for four and breathe out gratitude for 11 seconds. So I want you to join me. Let’s breathe in. I am calm. Here we go. Hold, relax, release. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that.
So here it is. Have unmet expectations ever dimmed your delight? Pause to think about that. And I kind of fell in love with that sentence. I really did.
I wrote that sentence. But I kind of fell in love with it. Isn’t it kind of sweet? Dimmed your delight? Anyway, I laugh at myself sometimes. So what has gotten me going on this has been an ongoing observation for many years. I feel like I’ve witnessed it over and over as a vague undercurrent, sometimes manifesting in long-term ongoing patterns. Probably going to be a short show today just to introduce this conversation and perhaps get your feedback, because I’d love to know your experience or thoughts on this subject.
Years ago, someone really dear to me always seemed to be disappointed after her birthday parties and even on holidays because, well, somebody got upset or there were disagreements or the friends got testy or whatever. It was the wrong cake, didn’t get the right gift. Something wasn’t right; it did not meet the picture in her mind. And over time, it seems to have manifested into a general dislike of almost any type of celebration. It wasn’t necessarily obvious each time, but cumulatively, it seems to have become almost a habit. So I’m curious, have you experienced the disappointments that comes from unmet expectations? We all have. I know that’s a silly question because, you know, we all have. We get that, ah, moment heartbreaking in a way we know get punched sometimes because we do have expectations, but I want to, you know, just have a conversation, discourse.
Let’s figure this thing out and see what we can do about it. And so, you know, often we’ve created a vision or an image or this excitement over a moment in time or an event, right? And, you know, we go, we get the excitement, and it doesn’t turn out the way we expected. Huh. Well, it lands differently. And then boom, you’re left feeling dissatisfied and deflated and sad or even angry. You feel like shrugging your shoulders and going, huh, so what was that about? Well, I’m guessing that you didn’t share your vision directly with the person who was responsible for your disappointment. Because you expected them to read your mind and know exactly how you wanted it to go, right?
I mean, seriously, don’t you think that’s a little unfair? And don’t you think it’s, you know, really how many things in life ever go exactly as we want? You know, I call it life keeps lifting, right? Life keeps lifing. We just, we get to choose. We get to choose. It’s all choice. Yeah. So I’m going to call these unmet expectations, these things that we have, it may be in a relationship, it may be in an event, it may be in a family, you know, whatever. There’s so many areas. If we’re having these hardcore expectations, you know, we’re going to get disappointed. That’s just the facts. I would call those unvoiced assumptions. And we all know what assumptions do, right? Remember that old story? Yeah, so and then we take it personally, right? We take it personally as if it were intentionally done to us, intentionally done to hurt us, to upset us. So the aside here is I’m going to show the book that I have recommended the most for so long that I think would tremendously help if you deal with the sadness or disappointment often.
It’s The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I’ll put the link in the description for sure. I love that book. dealing directly with assumptions and taking things personally. So don’t do it. Save yourself a lot of trouble. But, you know, knowing these things, it can become kind of a slippery slope when you start allowing your unmet expectations to dim your light and your joy over time and even begin and you might even begin by saying things like i will never get my hopes up again or nothing ever works out for me or i should have known better you know the the resignation statements and um
You know, it’s a slippery slope when you start going down that road. Just letting you know. Think about it. Food for thought. If we aren’t intentional in choosing to focus on what is right and good instead of our hurt and our disappointment, it can fade subtly into resentment, withdrawal, dullness, emotional flatness, and sadly, loss of joy and delight. There is a big cost. So maybe we may even stop noticing the good things around us and use our precious emotional energy managing the disappointment and even become hardened over time. So if any of this rings true to you, what if we reframe it a bit?
Let’s talk about the distinction between expectations and hope. So expectations have a fixed outcome. It’s got to happen a certain way. And hope remains open and curious and maybe even playful. What’s possible here? What else is going on here? What are the other people feeling? How can I take responsibility for my reactions? It takes looking outside of yourself. Consider for yourself these introspections. Where am I carrying disappointment? What unmet expectation is lingering? Has it been spoken about with hope of resolution? Is it even a realistic expectation? Is it fair to me or even to the others? When I hear things said like, I hate Valentine’s Day.
I don’t care about birthdays or Christmas is stupid from someone that I love. I can respect her perspective. And I would love to see her let go of the disappointments of the past. Let go of all the baggage and enjoy the peace and freedom of a fresh look at the future with joy and light. Oh no, maybe I’m not realistic. You know, I say often I’m outrageously optimistic. And I’ve had it said to me, well, that’s just not reality. And I’m like, well, it’s my reality. I get to choose. I don’t allow those things to become who I am. Those unmet expectations become who I am. I feel them.
I let them go. So I know from my own perspective that a lot about the situation that I’m talking about here, that a lot of time and energy and effort were put forth to make some of those special occasions really special. And it could be easy to take it personally from the one who tried and wanted those occasions to be special. So if you can relate or know someone who seems to walk in disappointment, a couple of simple practices may help shift from that old bitterness to joy in a split second that I speak of so often, or at least become aware that there is a choice on how we manage things when we get disappointed. And we can begin to practice grace. for ourselves and others.
There are certainly options and the awareness that we get to choose. We get to choose. It is our life. What if we could shift a little here and there to have a more joyful life? It’s worth it. It’s worth it. Promise. So try this. If some of this is hitting home, you know, write, name that expectation. Write it. Say it. Acknowledge it. Maybe even grieve a little bit for what didn’t happen. Maybe, you know, maybe the girl that always had to show off, you know, at the birthday parties. Maybe the one that seemed to get condescending or testy or whatever it is. Maybe we don’t know what’s going on in her life, right? Maybe we can give some thought to that. Grieve a little for how it didn’t happen. But you don’t have to move in there, right? Don’t move into the grief. So ask yourself, was this a strong expectation with a fixed outcome? Or was it a hope of something different? I mean, a little introspection here, a little thinking. Choose today to lighten up a little bit if you’re walking in that path. Consider a different perspective and realize that, yes, you are human. By the way, ding, ding, ding, unmet expectations are a part of the human experience. Maybe we can frame it a little bit differently and realize that releasing expectations doesn’t mean giving up or giving in.
What if you’re making room? Release that and make room for peace, freedom, and renewed delight. Love that term. Unmet expectations are kind of the intersection of hope and reality and our interpretation of the moment. Our perspective is most likely completely different than the person or the other people that were involved, and you know, maybe consider their perspective. That’s called empathy, right? Maybe consider their perspectives. So understand that disappointment signals care. Actually, it is care. You care. It’s not failure. It’s part of the human experience, and we’re not broken when we experience it.
You just cared enough to have a dream, and then it didn’t manifest as you were hoping. But that’s not the worst thing. I mean, it’s, you know, I just encourage you to love yourself enough to do some introspection about this. You deserve to live a life you love. Looking on the bright side helps. Getting rid of those, acknowledging and understanding that unmet expectations are A thing of the past.
They’re already in the past, right? So sometimes it’s a story we’ve made. It is a story we made up about something that happened. And if you make up a story about something that happened, you know. There’s a heck of a lot of evidence out there. We can change our story. It’s our perspective, our prerogative as well. So if you need gentle guidance to look at this subject a little more closely, I’m going to include my Jet Calendly link in the description for a free 30-minute conversation. Don’t do that every week. No. But I’d love to walk through this with you if something’s going on about that. And I really appreciate my listeners. You know, I’m ending Season 3, entering Season 4, and my seasons are year-long, 50 episodes, give or take. And those are longer seasons than most people have for a season.
So I’m very excited to have been here consistently and noticing now that some people, I mean, I’m getting some likes and follows everywhere. on YouTube. What a gift. So, and I haven’t really asked for that very often, but you can go to CharlaAnderson.com. The way I would like you to find my shows is to go to CharlaAnderson.com/Podcast and then click, when you go to the video, click to watch on YouTube so you can like it and subscribe, please. I don’t ask often, but I’d love to get that growing i’m really auditing a lot of pieces of my puzzle right now and what my show might be going so i’d love your feedback if you have comments here please let me know you know this is a little shorter than normal of course my solo shows usually are and and i just want to you know so well i’m gonna say we’ll see you next week and to always always always remember choose joy!
BOOKS Mentioned:
“The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz:
“Split-Second Transformation~Change Your Words, Change Your Life: 31 Daily Practices” by Charla Anderson https://amzn.to/3GxGdTj
“Candy Bar Hugs~It Doesn’t Take Much To Make A Difference!” by Charla
“The Four Agreements” by don Miguel Ruiz:
“The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More” by Jefferson Fisher
About Charla:
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I’m Charla Anderson, host of The Charla Anderson Show, Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (and EVERYONE is Fascinating!) on live TV, streaming, and podcasts. As a Ziglar Legacy Certified Trainer, a retired award-winning flight attendant, Olympic Torchbearer, a personal development junkie, Inspired Speaker, a Published Author, and Your Courageous Coach, I want to share my passion for living life full-out, saying YES to intriguing opportunities, and encouraging YOU to do the same. Let’s jump on a discovery call and get to know each other. Find all things Charla at CharlaAnderson.com/links.
On The Charla Anderson Show, We discuss Mindset, How much Your WORDS matter, princess-to-queen energy, mantras, HOPE, Faith, Miracles, Overcoming, and much, much more, including learning from amazing guests.
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