Award-winning author, transformation & empowerment coach, wellness expert, FUN & funny TV Show Host of ‘Elian’s JOY’, Elian Haan’s expertise helps mid-life folks “Get their sexy back & get better at life” w/ humor & energy!
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Elian Haan Coaches Clients To Get Their Sexy Lives Back
Good beautiful day, you beautiful souls. This is Charla Anderson, host of The Charla Anderson Show, Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (and EVERYONE is Fascinating, especially YOU!). I’m so grateful that we’re on this Win Win Women platform. We’re with Podetize. It’s been a huge journey. I’m excited to have you join us. I’m very honored when someone takes the time to read and see what we’ve got going. Maybe get some encouragement, which is what we love to do, offering hope and encouragement. I have an incredible guest and I’m going to introduce her in a moment, Elian Haan.
However, I love to do our little 22-second mini vacation before we get started. It’s a little mini-meditation that helps us take a deep breath, get more centered, and settle. If you want to join me, we’re going to breathe in for seven seconds. We’re going to breathe in calm, hold for 4 seconds, and breathe out gratitude for 11 seconds. Here we go, breathing in calm, hold, and release. Thank you.
It helps me a lot. We could all use a little bit more of that centering every single day or a couple of several times a day, probably. Thank you for joining me. I’ve got Elian Haan as my guest. She is another show host with Win Win Women and her show is Elian’s Joy. She’s fun and funny. We got to meet in person. We’re like sisters.
We hit it off so well and had so much fun. On this journey of helping others, they figure out who they are and what they’re doing. Let’s all win-win. That’s the way we do it. I’m going to say this, she wrote an incredible book, 60 Miles From Neiman’s. It’s a great and fun read. We’ll talk a little bit about that. Elian, I want you to tell me a little bit about yourself and then we’ll talk about what you do.
I’m so glad to be here on your show. We connected immediately and I love that about our platform, caring and socializing with each other. There is a lot of communication and support from each other. This is a great platform. I’m always glad to be seen, be heard, and share. It started for me all by sharing my story. Most of my life career-wise, I’ve been in the fitness and wellness industry as a coach. I help people through exercise and movement.
I then slowly moved into the slower space of mind-body and spirit and more meditation like you gave us, a nice deep breath and a minute to reset. I work with people a lot through yoga. I became more involved with people because lots of the people that I worked with for a long time had lots of traumas and issues in the past. I started applying my stories and helping people not just through trauma-informed yoga, breathing techniques, or meditation but also through talks.
I became a life coach. I’m a midlife transformation coach. I like to call my niche working with people that are still there and getting stuck. I was stuck in the past because I jotted it all down and journaled a lot. I didn’t speak a lot about me. I was a good listener. You know how that works. Sometimes I’m not ready to share that in the past. Over the decade, I’ve done that in my work.
I wrote a lot of things down and that’s where the book came from. At the same time, I had time. It’s like I had two reasons. My book came from me thinking, “I’m an empty nester. We’re home alone. I have a good time but I also have to write my story down for my son.” He was the last one out of college. I had to tell my son the story of my life. I realized that if they’re young, they don’t care. They’re in their life. Their 20s and 30s. “Who cares what mom has done in her life?”
When you’re older, you start asking those questions. In my case, I had a lot of traumas there from my parents passing away when I was young. I didn’t have that reflection and home base or support system. I thought, “What if something happens to me in my 50s or 60s?” I want to write that story and leave that legacy for him. I started a lot of journaling and thought processing. I had done self-help work. That all came together in a book so it became a bio but it also became, “This is what I did wrong. Now I know the right thing. These are the life lessons.”
You’re not from the United States originally. Where are you from?
I’m from Amsterdam, Netherlands. I moved in my mid-30s to the United States with my then-American husband.
Your story is so colorful. It’s a real blessing for your children to know the story of where you came from and how you survived and thrived. We’re in a place where we are like, “I’m not stopping.” We’re both in the many decades and we are not stopping. We have so much to share. We earned every single one of these. I did. The silver hair is a hard way and yours isn’t silver. Yours is a beautiful blonde.
I know a lot of things and I want to share it. I know you do too. Coming from that story, you had a very challenging and colorful upbringing or past. You had businesses. You have an incredible fun story. Everything about you is fun, funny, and happy but it wasn’t always that way. We’ve made a few wrong turns here and there. Here we are back. We’re still walking and punching through. One question about the book is the title 60 Miles From Nieman’s.
I had a lot of people ask me where the title came from. It was because I had a good friend. She was also my coach for a while in my acting stage life and film entertainment industry which I babbled in for a while. She’s a very good and wonderful coach who helped me with auditions and acting skills. She was also very honest and straightforward.
I moved South of Dallas at some point, 60 miles away from Downtown. I didn’t go to her acting and coaching classes anymore. It was too far away. I was going through a bad time in my life. I didn’t have the money to spend or gas money for a full Sunday up and down to Dallas. For me, in those days, she wasn’t playing. I was a little further but it was a big deal to do that. I let it slide away and she would call me. We became good friends afterward. We talked on the phone many times.
She passed away a few years ago but Lee will always call me and say, “You moved 60 miles away from everything.” Although I am not a Neiman Marcus person at all, I thought I was 60 miles from Nieman’s. I’m exactly 60 miles away from everything where everybody always thought everything happens there in the city. I moved to the countryside and was very happy to be there but I didn’t have everything around. I thought that was a good time because somehow, I don’t know about the Dutch, my family, or the Canadians but in America, everybody knows where Neiman’s is or what it is. They might not go but they know where it is.
There’s another question that came from reading your book that I found intriguing. It was not explained or touched on as deeply as I would have liked. Looking back, something happened that seems almost supernatural. Tell the story about how the gentleman showed up. You own a bar at one time and he showed up at your bar. That was so intriguing to me.
I wish I could have done more with it. That is a crazy story. He came and left. I was young. I was in my twenties. I own a bar. It was quite a large establishment with pool tables and billiard tables. It was a student’s whole kind thing, society. A lot of people would come there around 5:00 or 6:00, beer on top. I saw a gentleman coming in. He was an American tourist. I didn’t get tourists in the establishments. He sat at the bar and always talked to everybody. He said, “I’m American.”
We started talking. I don’t even remember about it. He came back later as well. I was stung by the experience but it was so crazy. We talked for a while. I had no plans to leave the relationship that I had or I didn’t know that was going to be over at some point. We’re talking several years later about me having an established business and a student at the same time. At some point, he looked at me and said, “At some point, you’re going to go to Texas and end up in the United States.” I’m laughing like, “Whatever.”
Did he have a book or something?
He gave me James Michener’s book. He had it in his hands and gave it to me. He said, “I’m a Shaman.” I wouldn’t know at that time but it was somebody who saw right it, had a deep intuition, and could see my future. I laughed. I was very grateful for the book. It was so much fun. I’m going to read it but Texas was, to me, all about J.R. and Sue Ellen. I’m not going to do it. That was all we had on television when it came to Texas. That was an intriguing story. I can’t do anything with it. I wish I knew who he was or asked his name. He came, left, and had a beer.
He left you the book called Texas by James Michener, which is a 2-inch-thick book. It’s hard to read. Most of his books I found very hard to read until you got to the middle.
It is hard to read. I even remember I gave it away at some point. I didn’t take it with me. I moved so many times but the whole event later on when I remembered, it was weird. What that exactly was, I don’t know.
Not only are you in Texas but you’re in Gun Barrel City. You still had a brick and mortar yoga studio in rural Texas, which I find interesting.
It was interesting, especially in the beginning, for rural Texas when I finally moved South of the city. It was a must at that time. I was not keeping up with the bills. I couldn’t keep up with the Joneses in Dallas. I wasn’t in the fitness industry. I made some money. I had some classes and clients. I had side jobs. I did it all to survive. When I moved to the country, I didn’t like it either but it was a lot cheaper. It was good for me at that point.
I found a little double-wide. I can finally breathe. It was good and I can start my business here. I started the yoga studio. I had no clue what was going on People came like, “What is yoga? What is that?” In the beginning, it was very controversial because people thought it was clashing with Christianity in the days when I started and that was 2005.
“What is yoga? That is not for us. We can’t do that. It is anti-religion. It is calling the devil in your house.” I was always trying to say, “No, I’m coming from a fitness background. It’s a fitness exercise approach that I do.” Secondly, at some point, I opened the doors and some people came. It became a popular hotspot for a lot of people to socialize, talk, be with me, and do classes. I offered lots of variety of classes over the years and then I started working with an addiction facility recovery.
I worked there for eight-plus years I kept a few classes with the regulars, the people that are always with you who love to work out and do anything. A little stretch, no cardio, and a little this and that. I have a practice here as a life coach. I see people one-on-one or do some groups. It’s a little bit of everything. It all came together.
I feel like this is my year too where puzzle pieces are starting to find the reason that I’ve done all these different things and where they’re landing. It sounds like that’s where you were where all of a sudden, you have a very diverse past. You were acting on stage and in theater.
It all comes together. I felt like I had to act or be in the entertainment industry, a fitness person, or a coach. I didn’t see it. It was all the same thing. I am edutaining to say it in Tony Robinson’s way. I like to be on stage and in front of people and class. I like to help people with words and movements. It’s all the same. I’m a coach but I don’t have to be on wellness or a life coach. I’m a life and wellness coach. I love to bring some joy and fun into it. I can still act. It’s crazy and fun. I’m doing all that. It doesn’t have to be either/or.
The thing that we can probably help a lot of people with is giving up trying to be somebody else or please anybody else. Be your authentic self and the rest will fall into place a lot easier without having all the struggles that people seem to be working on.
That’s a big part of your book. I’m so glad you mentioned it. It’s a big part of my book in the sense of escaping the field that I always had to live according to other people’s expectations. It’s the subtitle of my book, letting go of these expectations. Do not try to please others or fall in place with the rest of the street, the Wisteria Lane, the mommies, daddies, and the barbeques in the front and backyard. That was not me but it’s also hard to live up to expectations. When you’re young, you do that for your parents. They want the best for you. You do that in a good situation.
Find your way back from others as expected. I hadn’t remembered that.
You’re fine. You brought it up in a sense of being yourself. That gets easier when you’re older. March into that pattern or these expectations. Live out to it or do it. Be the best mom because everybody else is around you.
There’s nothing wrong with having role models or things like that. We learn to live from your heart space instead of your headspace. This is an ancient story. When I was a teenager, my mom and I went to a little church and one of the older ladies said she loved being older because she can hug all the men and nobody thinks anything of it. I don’t know why I thought of that. It’s like my little book Candy Bar Hugs. It doesn’t take much to make a difference. In there, I can offer a hug to about anybody and nobody’s going to be offended. You’ve got to have discernment. You may not be a good-looking 40-year-old man offering hugs to the check-out clerks. Use discernment and situational awareness.
You’re right. It comes with a form of respect and not caring and laughing through. I laugh my way through a lot of things. If they’re silly or slightly uncomfortable, you can joke around it and care less what other people’s opinions are. Secondly, I preached it with my clients and group. “Why do we even care what other people think? If they have the time to think about me and have an opinion about me, I don’t have that time. I’m busy being hopefully the best I can be on a daily basis. I can only do my best and that’s enough.”
Humor is huge to be able to get over this and be offended by everything. I am so done with all that. It’s like, “Laugh it off.” My mama said something like, “If you’re worried about what people think of you, you’d be so surprised how little they do,” or something of some saying she had.
People don’t know what happens between our walls or in the house. I learned it, especially working with people with trauma and a huge history of devastation. We don’t know. We look, see, and learn that people on the outside are not what happened to them. We have no idea what happens to them currently or what they are going through. I like to say to leave it up to the Lord because it’s not up to us.
People don't know what happens between our walls. Click To TweetAll we can do is give everybody a hug, love people, and share warmth and care. Sharing is caring, I always say, in a sense of physical as well. It’s difficult to have this society where we live, especially with the COVID era. You can’t touch people. You can’t give them a little squeeze, even that but our hands are healing. That’s how we do everything and make people feel okay. It’s a little tap on the shoulder, holding ourselves right there, or fight and flight mechanisms. It’s all that warmth and energy in your hands.
If God can create it, he can heal it. We were born with an immune system that is second to none. The fear draws more angst than the fear of germs. I’ve noticed that for a long time. I was in elementary school and they would say, “We’ve got good germs and bad germs. If you kill all of them, then you don’t have the good ones either to fight the bad ones.” That’s a bonus for somebody. Tell your biggest message and your favorite quote.
In that book, my favorite quote came to me. It says on the back of the book, “Life doesn’t get any easier. You get better at it.” I kept saying that to people, even when I was working with patients in recovery and difficult times. I kept saying, “It’s the huge mountain that you’re facing and you don’t dare to think about how to even start tackling that but if you look back, you already did it a couple of times.” We don’t realize that we have that frame of reference. We already did the things that we overcame.
When you look back it, it looks fairly small. Look at December in your Christmas mode and things are good. You’re looking back at the horrible times that you went through in May or June. It is easier when you look back and you did it a few times. This is the message. People come to me and say, “Life got to me. I can’t handle it.” As a coach, I hear this a lot. “It’s life’s fault. Everything happens at the same time.” I immediately go over that with my famous coach approach and I say, “It’s not life’s fault. It’s the way you react to it.”
From there, we’re going to work on that. It’s a mindset. What are you going to do with the information that comes to you? What are you going to do with the pain, loss, and disaster? I get it. I grieve. I have pain, loss, and illness. Also, the people around me that I care so much for and worry about but it is not so devastating that I can’t see the outcome because it happened to me before. It has been done. Life keeps being difficult, which it probably will be. Honestly, stuff happens.
Is the way that we look at it a problem or is it a challenge to overcome? If we’re going to keep facing it as a problem, “I can’t do it,” we’re going to change our vocabulary. That’s what I do as a culture law. Change that mindset and vocabulary. How are we going to tackle it? How are we going to knock back? Are you going to be in your victim mode or victory mode? That’s very important.
You and I are on the same page on that change your words and life. My other book is coming out, Split Second Transformation. You’re straightforward. You’re not going to mince words. You’re going to tell it like it is in your coaching and that’s evident. For the most part, it cuts through the veil. It gets you to go, “I didn’t realize.”
People need compassion and you understand. Others are looking. It’s not like, “I get it. You’re sick.” Go back to that. “I get it. You’re sick but get up” There’s a big difference between those two things and what we can do with it. There’s a lot of compassion but there is a fine line between feeding into the bad wolf.
The bad wolf and the good wolf. It depends on which one you feed. I can’t believe I didn’t mention this at first because I love this. You help your clients get their sexy back and get better in life. We haven’t even said that but I loved that line. We’re going to get our sexy back and here we are in the second half of our life wondering if this is all there is, “Look at me, what have I done?” How do you do that? How do you help get the sexy back?
That is also the title of my next book. There is that midlife where I have no kids anymore. They’re not at home. What I’m going to do? I always tend to housekeeping kids’ families. I have no life and purpose. There are different things to it. I break it down and find a purpose and new goal. “What’s your five-year plan? What would you like to do if it was just you? You had all the money in the world and nothing was holding you back. What is it that you love to do?” I help people find their sexy and passion back.
If there’s anything that you can do, it doesn’t matter if you have another 20 or 30 years. Go do it. It’s going to be amazing. A lot of people come to that place and then work with me to where they find that place. They’re like, “I can finally work in the flower shop or do something creative. I’m going to write, paint, attend to the garden, work with my husband, or stop working with my husband and work somewhere else.”
Choosing yourself, especially for women, is big. With man, for me, it’s more grief, trauma, and PTS that I work through. With women, it’s a lot finding their passion back. They lost it along the way. We are caretakers. We do that. We care and forget about ourselves. That’s why I call it midlife. It starts in the good years between 40 and 60, finding that niche back.
We care, care, and care that we forget about ourselves. Click To TweetIt’s reevaluating or reassessing. I love that you have a lot of people that you’re helping through that. The time goes fast every time. You’d love people to get your book, 60 Miles From Neiman’s. That’s about 60 minutes too, unless you’re in Dallas traffic. How do people find you? What is your best message? What do you want people to know?
I would love people to know that they can find me on social media. I would love people to find me on Facebook, @ElianHaan. That’s the same for all my social media like my YouTube videos and shows. I have a new Facebook group. In that group, I have a weekly live at 5:00 where we talk about the new challenge of losing weight, getting healthy, and the different mindset that I teach. That starts in October 2023.
I also have an offer for people if they are reading. If you want to work with me, please reach out. I will give you a free session. In October 2023, I also have an eight-week anxiety program starting. It’s always great before the holidays. It’s eight weeks in October and November 2023, just before the holidays. It’s called Beat the Burnouts. If people are referring to your show, they’re getting that for $199 instead of $299. It’s an eight-week program.
If you love that offer, say, “I watch the Charla Anderson Show. I would love to join you for that eight-week material, including handouts and talking every week about a different subject of how to beat that holiday, stress, burnout, and craziness.” It goes all year but it’s a great program before the holidays. If people come in a little bit later and they want to strike a deal with me because they started the show, I’m happy too. If people come in a little bit later for the course or want a free session, reach out to me.
What is the Facebook group called?
It is called Thrive in Midlife.
It seems like everybody I know is in midlife. How did that happen?
It’s all around us. We have enough people to refer to each other.
Are you writing the next book?
Yes. It’s 26 Ways to Get Your Sexy Back. It’s a very simple workbook. It’s not very complicated. It’s about the words, the ABCs of feeling happy and fulfilled, gratefulness, exceptions, being in the moment, respect, courage, and little mini life lessons.
When do we expect that?
Before the end of 2023.
It’s a challenge to take those details completely.
Writing is a challenge. We just have to get in that moment and sit down for a couple of hours. I preach planning and goal setting. That’s what I’m trying to do for a couple of hours here for the book and the family.
If I’m telling you, I need to hear it. If I can help you understand something, it’s because I’m reinforcing it in me so often that that’s the case. I’m trying to give encouragement. I need it too. Encouragers need encouragement too.
Everybody needs a coach. Even people who are helping others need two hands and help. I learned the hard way.
We don’t necessarily recognize that so often. We’re encouragers and servers. I’m a server. We’re going to take care of everything and everybody. Remember to fill your cup up. I’m excited for what our future is going to be. I believe we will be collaborating, doing events, and all kinds of stuff. We love Paula Fellingham and Win Win Women.
We’ve done retreats together.
It’s like generating new life and friendships that are at different stages of our lives. You don’t get rid of the old one but you make new friends and keep the old. The other is gold. Like a Girl Scout, it’s the brownie song I used to sing for sure. I love you so much. Somewhere along the line, I was like, “I didn’t say the name of my show,” which everybody should know because they’ve clicked on it.
I would love to see you in the next episode of The Charla Anderson Show, Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (and EVERYONE is Fascinating, especially YOU!). I’ll add that we’re always honored and humbled when someone takes the time to listen and glean. If we can make a difference for you in any way, please reach out to Elian, Charla, or our tribe. We know people. We’ve got resources. We can help to make a huge impact I believe.
We’re in these unsteady times. We must have each other’s back. Let’s keep on doing that. You’re perfect exactly who and where you are no matter where you are. Love people unconditionally without judgment. The harder they are to love, the more they need it. Let’s lift and win-win all together. Thank you for reading. Elian, thank you very much. It’s been a huge blessing. I want to end by saying choose joy.
Important Links
About Elian Haan
Elian is a Bestseller & Award-Winning Author, TV show host of “Elian’s Joy” and Motivational Speaker. Elian has spent most of her professional life in the fitness and wellness industry and is a Fowler International Life and Master Coach with a yoga studio and private practice in Texas.
Elian is specialized in Mid-Life and Transformational Coaching and known for her straightforward “Coach Approach” presenting and sharing her life lessons with a good dose of joy, humor, and energy. She helps her clients “Get their Sexy Back & Get Better at Life” in person & virtual through private sessions, group coaching, workshops, webinars, exercise & fitness and speaking events.
After years of counseling and somatic work at an addiction rehab facility, her expertise lies in trauma informed care, addiction recovery, grief, PTSD, depression, and anxiety intervention.
I’m Charla Anderson, host of The Charla Anderson Show, Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (and EVERYONE is Fascinating!) on live TV, streaming and podcasts. As a Ziglar Legacy Certified Trainer, a retired award-winning flight attendant, Olympic Torch bearer, personal development junkie, an Inspired Speaker, a Published Author and Your Courageous Coach, I want to share my passion for living life full-out, saying YES to intriguing opportunities and encouraging YOU to do the same. Let’s jump on a discovery call and get to know each other. Find all things Charla at CharlaAnderson.com/links.
On The Charla Anderson Show, We discuss Mindset, How much Your WORDS matter, Princess to Queen energy, mantras, HOPE, Faith, Miracles, Overcoming, and much, much more, including learning from amazing guests.
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