Retirement Reimagined: Wendy Leggett’s Path to Purpose

Retirement Reimagined: Wendy Leggett’s Path to Purpose

About Wendy Leggett

Wendy Leggett is a Professional Certified Coach and owner of Conflux Retirement Coaching, specializing in non-financial retirement life planning. With 25 years of corporate sales leadership experience, she guides clients through a fulfilling retirement transition, focusing on well-being, identity, feelings of purpose, connectedness, and positive aging. Wendy holds advanced credentials from the Retirement Project, Retirement Life Plan, and Positive Intelligence and co-authored the book “The Retirement Collective”.

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Introduction

Good, beautiful day, you beautiful, beautiful souls! This is Charla Anderson, host of the Charla Anderson show collector and connector of fascinating people, and everyone is fascinating, especially you. 

So retirement – one of the most convoluted words, misunderstood words. But there’s misunderstandings, but there’s also unlimited possibilities included in the retirement world. Wendy Leggett, my guest today, the confluxretirementcoaching.com. We’re going to have that discussion. 

It’s going to be amazing because I’m telling you, my story was crazy. So but 1st we’re going to do our breathing exercise. So you know, we’re going to breathe in for 7 seconds. We’re going to breathe some calm in and get some grounding in our day, so breathe in some calm hold for 4 seconds and release gratitude for 11 seconds. So we’re going to take a 22 second mini vacation ready set. Let’s breathe in some calm hold. Release. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

So thank you for indulging me. I feel like that’s something we should do every day, probably multiple times a day, get off our devices for a second right? And just get grounded and be still and know. So Wendy, I am so excited to have you here with us. There’s an a program called Need a Guest and we found each other through that.

And I’m so excited when you reached out to me and you have such a classically wonderful plethora of wisdom and and and expertise in our world. So retirement, we’re talking about that. And you are an expert in that. But 1st give us a heads up on. You know who you are in this world, and and you’re I think you’re in California. I’m in Texas. It’s great that we have this platform. But let’s figure out who Wendy Leggett is?

I appreciate being here. I love the energy and thanks for that brain breather. That’s a practice of mine as well. I think that idea of just really settling ourselves so that we can stay focused and have that nice calm at the same time. So who I am, you know, I really talk a lot with my pre-retirees about, you know, getting beyond that resume and looking more at that social CV, and so sometimes when we answer that question, who are you? You know, defining it to our role as a professional can be very limiting. So I always kind of wonder how to best answer that. so that it’s kind of going in line with what I share with my clients as well.

You know what I mean because I am a mother. I’m a wife, I’m a daughter, I’m a sister, I’m a friend. I’m all of those things. I’m a lover of the arts. I love going on walks. I love cooking, and I love yoga. I love all kinds of things.

I love life, you just love life. I can tell.

And I think, too, I keep trying to add to that resume. Like, I recently tried pickleball, which I was really resistant to, because it was kind of like the buzzword, and I’m not an early adopter. But then, my boys, I have 3 sons. 2 of them said, Hey, let’s get out there and play. And I thought, Yeah, why not give it a shot? I really loved it. So that’s great. And I think I want to just bring that up, because I think, as we age, sometimes we think we’ve aged out of things. Sometimes we allow life to get a little bit smaller. And so just really stepping in and having that beginner’s mindset and trying things out.

But I digress from the professional. And so, as you shared, I do have quite a background in the work that I do. I started off in sales leadership. That was the bulk of my career, and I worked for Fortune 50 franchises in fashion. So all kinds of things. 

But I loved the process. I loved reaching out to clients and connecting, elevating team members, capabilities and also meeting and exceeding goals. But I hit that that crossroads, and I think that’s the part that you know, the overcoming that I want to share, because I hit that spot where the last company I was with was sold, and the new owner came in with a very different approach to the clients and to the employees, and it was a real culture clash for me. And I think this might resonate with you and some of the listeners where you know we’re problem solvers. We try to fix things and we say “hey, I can make this work.”

So I just really really tried to find a way around that. But it became very difficult to face clients and let them down, not give them the same kind of service. I’m having to carry a message to my employees that didn’t resonate with me, and wasn’t the way that I would approach things. So I really then did some soul searching, and thought, Well, do I leave this company and go on to another? Or do I now kind of look at maybe that, reimagining my life and taking all those skills and capabilities that I have in another direction. So flash forward, I went back to school, so that was pretty huge and got my certification as a professional coach, started doing business coaching, but very quickly saw I wanted more for people, and I saw in my demographic a lot were retiring.

A lot were struggling in retirement, some of my clients as well had lot of questions. So I started reading up on it and delving into retirement, and then discovered there’s this whole world around non-financial retirement planning. So I got some additional certifications on that. And so that’s what I do is I work with individuals, couples, and in group settings, helping people get prepared for retirement from the non-financial side.

Well, and I think you know, we all hear about financial planning for retirement and all that. So I think that’s great to know. I don’t think I understood that either, that there’s a whole another side of it. And of course, I had a 34 year career that I adored. I loved being a flight attendant. It was my mission field, that was my job. I was an award-winning flight attendant.

Yes.

And then they offered a package and I was working maximum hours and commuting and all this stuff, and they offered a package, and 2 days later I took it. And then what then? I cried for 3 months until my date, I mean I loved being a flight attendant, and it’s who I was. At the same time my last child was graduating, so I also had that going on.

Yeah.

And it’s tricky to maneuver. I didn’t know the networking world existed here. I am doing network marketing with Mary Kay, or you know, Zurvita, or whatever I’m doing. And the networking world didn’t particularly care for network marketing world. And so it’s trying to find those who I am? And I’m still at? I’m 71. I’ve been retired since 08/2008, so I am 71 years old and still trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Sure and thank you so much for sharing. And you’re not alone. I think that’s the tough part, Charla, is that people think that if they’re struggling, not from a financial standpoint, but they’re facing challenges or like you said this deep loss that lasted for quite some time.

And you probably got that question from a lot of people generally the answer is going to be, see, it’s great, you know, because if you were to say I’m struggling, people go “Oh, my gosh! That’s crazy! You’re so lucky to not be working,” but the reality is just like every milestone in life, we have a template. We have a roadmap, and it goes beyond the financial. If we think about it, let’s say you went to college. Well, from high school to college. Yes, there was that financial component.

But there’s so much more to it. What campus felt good to you? What were your studies going to be? What were your interests? Where in the world. Was it going to be all kinds of things that go far beyond financial, even on a small scale? When we plan a trip, it’s not just a matter of being able to afford that trip, although that’s important. But what are you going to be doing there? Why are you choosing that location? What do you want to make sure that you experience?

And so the same goes with retirement life planning. Yes, the financial piece is critically important and we can’t overlook it. That’s a reality. But we bring our whole selves into retirement. And so, looking at all those aspects like you said about identity, and having that transition from career into retirement. That connection, all of those things, and more, is what I focus on with my clients, so that you’re not in one day and out the next, and feeling like you. As some of my clients say, lost in the desert, or I’m failing at retirement.

Well, and the statistics are pretty clear that, and I’m guessing more men. But many men, and pilots were one of the things I heard about, people retiring, and they die within 3 years. You know there’s there’s there I feel like probably the crux of this whole thing. Retirement is about everything like everything else. You need a purpose. You want to have something. You think, sitting around watching television and reading books, and you know, traveling, or whatever it is, is going to be fulfilling. But if you don’t have a deeper service for humanity, something, you know, that drives you that can get pretty old pretty fast.

And one of the exercises I go through pretty early on with my clients, and I’m happy to offer it to your listeners is the no regrets retirement where we kind of map out. Okay, what’s the perfect retirement and start to visualize that and then map out. Okay, what might each day look like and break down the day. And then what would each week look like? So you start to see kind of clearly. Wow! If you don’t really think about this. It can be like Groundhog Day, and every day can start to feel the same. And like, is this all there is which has come up for some of my clients. But then the next step in that retirement regret.

The exercise is, if you had compressed time, so instead of this time abundance that we have in retirement. Now it’s condensed to 5 years all of a sudden. Then you start to see, wow! What are the priorities? What are the things like you said that will feel meaningful and purposeful to me? And then, if we didn’t have any time left, if something happened. And now your life is going to be cut short. What regrets would you have?

What would you have wished that you had spent time, or thought, or been intentional about. And so by doing this early on, then we start to really be able to hone in on. Okay, what’s missing? What’s needed? How am I feeling about this? And what steps can I take to make sure that I don’t have those regrets, and that my time isn’t just filled that is fulfilling. So I think that that’s a really important piece you mentioned about purpose. And I think that that word, you know, purpose finding purpose, can feel so huge to people overwhelming like, how do I find purpose?

And so what I really like to share is Richard Leider’s work, where he talks about purpose with a capital P, which can be finding that nonprofit or volunteering in a really deep way. Or maybe it’s taking care of grandkids full time or starting a business, but it can also be purpose with a small P. And that can just be feeling purposeful every day feeling, when you wake up in the morning that you’re making a difference, and that can be reading a book, because that’s enriching.

I’ll bring that up because I wrote the book Candy Bar hugs. It doesn’t take much to make a difference. And one of the lines, I think it’s actually in the introduction. It’s been out for 6 years now, I think, but it’s packed with nuggets, you know, really wise things, and one of them is, “what if you don’t have to search for your purpose? What if your purpose is actually who you are, and how you treat the person right in front of you, and and often.”

So I was buying, offering a candy bar, and then do you mind if I give you a hug, and the stories that came out from that and still do was pretty powerful. And so what if that is your purpose is just loving the person right in front of you, and the harder people are to love the more they need it. I always add that caveat, because, you know, there’s people that really don’t want to receive it. They can’t. They don’t love themselves enough to even be able to receive a small gift of a candy bar, or even something like that. 

Yes, that’s beautiful. And I think that’s really in alignment with what I’m talking about, too. So I think it’s important that we not think that we have to have this huge answer to purpose, because it’s a verb. It’s active, it’s feeling purposeful, and it’s ever changing. It’s not a 1 and done. It’s just tapping in like you said to who you are, how you can maybe lighten someone else’s load, how you can share of yourself and your gifts with others on a small scale, a large scale, anything in between.

So those are important things. You spoke about a sense of identity, and that you were a flight attendant for 34 years. And then there’s this offer, and that happens right where you know, to turn down the package, you’d think, oh, I shouldn’t do that. I can’t do that.

And yet, 2 days later, then you’re no longer in that role. But that was a role, and as is any career, position, or being a mother, or being a spouse, or you know any number, a student, those are all roles. Those are external. But who you are at your core.

That doesn’t change that identity doesn’t change now. Maybe it gets buried a bit because we get so busy, or we’re focused on other things. But who you are at the core is there? And so we really want, then, when we move into retirement, to resurrect that identity, and be able to look at ourselves and say, You know what are all my skills and capabilities and passions that I can bring with me into retirement.

Because that doesn’t go away. And what are the things I want to leave behind? What are the patterns and habits that don’t serve me any longer, and really be intentional about that as well. But this is where I think we can then see how we can move with that identity intact, maybe making some shifts, maybe putting more focus in some areas than others. But we’re not starting over. It’s not a new book in our life. It’s a new chapter. And so let’s build off of all of our strengths and carry that with us into retirement.

There is a saying, if you are what you do. Who are you when you don’t? And I think that that can really ring true for people, because our work can become so interwoven with our lives. That kind of struck you. What’s coming up for you?

Wow! Why don’t you repeat that? Just say that again.

If you are what you do, who are you when you don’t.

So, and you’d mentioned legacy to me. Intentional legacy is a big piece of what I’m trying to share in the world. You know we want to. You’re going to leave one. You want to make it intentional, right?

Yes. And going beyond that legacy that we think of is around finances and stuff. And so that legacy of wisdom and I’ve had clients say, well, I want to leave this, and it’s like, How about if you’re giving it now, you know. Like, really live into that legacy now and then it will be enduring. But it’s not a matter that we have to, you know. Just think of that. We’re gone, and then we’re leaving it. Let’s be dynamic and involved with it.

Okay? So I’m looking at your quote here. So what another quote you have is, what is your plan to do with your one wild and precious life. I love that. That’s Mary Oliver. So I was wondering if that was the quote that you had put in there. So we do just really have this moment right? And we have this small speck of time.

Yes.

You listen to Michael Singer, and you look at it, and we get all upset about all you get upset about somebody cutting you off, and you’ve got this tiny speck in the eternity of the universe and time you’re like a pinprick, you know. That’s our life, and we get up. We walk around so upset and unclear of our purpose. You know what we are, who we are.

Yeah, all that energy to things that really aren’t energizing, you know. And so allowing that to diminish us. And I think that those that are in that typical retirement age. And we should chat about that word being convoluted, etc. But those that are in that typical which are baby boomers and Gen X’s. You know we weren’t raised with positive psychology that came on the scene about 30 years ago.

Martin Seligman, as the father of positive psychology. But before that, you know, I know that I was raised, and I think the majority of us were with that idea that no pain, no gain. You got to push through. If something’s coming up that doesn’t feel good, you push it aside or you push it down.

But we’ve learned that those emotions are just signals. They’re not good or bad. They’re just saying to us, this needs some more attention. And so that’s an area I work on with my clients as well, because raising the awareness around. Hey? If you’re feeling stuck, or confused, or lost, or disappointed, or overly excited, or any number of things about retirement that need a little more attention.

You know what’s going on for you. There! How are you feeling about it? Have you felt this way before? What did you do then, to help move you in a positive direction? So really keen into those emotions, because those thoughts and feelings and beliefs are all impacted by emotions, and that ultimately affects our actions as well. So we want to give them the time and attention they deserve.

Well in this age. So you know 65, the retirement age or social security age, you know. I feel like, seventies is the new 40. And I mean everybody I’m talking to these days is, you know, seventies and eighties and starting businesses and doing all kinds of amazing things. What do you want to do when you grow up? What do you want to do? You know now that you don’t have to be the responsible one.

Then, you know, having a dinner on the table, and and all the kids and all the activities and all those things that we’ve been busy and most retirees that I know of, you know, like I’m busier now than I was when I was working right where they find many things to do we find so much to do. There is.

Yes.

So much one wacky wild world we get to be in.

Yes.

Doesn’t have to be in a small box. It doesn’t have to just.

But the but the be in, and not just the do in, because I do have clients that come to me that say I’m busier than I ever was, and I might as well go back to work and make money. And so we really then deconstruct well, what’s on that dance card. And what is that need for you to stay so busy? No judgment. But oftentimes people are using it as a distraction or to stay relevant. And they’re spending that energy that we talked about in areas that aren’t fulfilling or don’t really fill up their cup.

And so we really want to look at. How are we spending that precious time that you spoke about? But I think, too, we touched upon it briefly about that word retirement. And you know that really was relevant back in the thirties. When people were working in the fields working in the factories, it was determined that if they were to leave work, they would need some help and support. So social security was brought on, and people would then retire, and, like you said, within a couple of years oftentimes expire.

But that was then, and this is now, when were generally not working in factories or fields, we might get mentally exhausted, but not physically. And so how do we then redefine it? And so that word retirement is a shared vocabulary. But I do think that we will see that it shifts because, as you shared, you know. Yes, maybe some people retire when they’re 60, 70, 80. I have it.

A person in one of my presentations that said he’d come and work with me. When he retired. He was 92 and owned his own business, and so, I don’t advocate for retiring. I do advocate for not abdicating. And that when you step into retirement, then do it fully and do it well. And so that’s the difference, I think. But that word, you know we hear about rewiring or re-inspiring, reimagining. I don’t know what that word will be, and maybe you’ll come up with one for us, but that word retire, carries a lot of baggage with it, and kind of a mindset that now we’re stepping into a time of loss, and it’s about aging, and it’s about one foot into the grave.

And so I feel that it’s really important that we not be on one end of the spectrum or the other. That view that’s pessimistic, or on that very opposite end, that overly optimistic, idealistic view where we’re thinking, oh, endless weekends, leisure travel that sets us up for some difficult expectations as well. So let’s bring it into the middle and look at it as a realistic optimism that we bring in so heighten our awareness about what?

This, that the potential of that struggle, the dark side of retirement, and then intention, setting that vision, mapping out that plan, making sure that we are keying in on our connections and our identity and our feelings of purposefulness, having that positive mindset so that we can really enjoy that wild and precious life ahead.

Wild and precious life. I love it. You know I have got 3 years old, my little grand darling, grand blessing! I call her just the light of the world, right? And when she was in her first 2 years of her life, lived an album of Sarissa’s 1st year in Nana’s lap. I have picture after picture of her sleeping in my lap. I mean, we just bonded, and she’s just precious. I can say she’s brilliant, too. By the way,

I’m not biased, anyway. But they are a piece of it in a lot of ways. So our children, we were so busy we didn’t, most of us. Yeah, they got to do a lot of stuff and we traveled. I was a flight attendant, you know. We traveled and all kinds of stuff, but it was like I was doing for them, and not with them. No, in so many ways right? 

Understandably, understandably.

Yeah, you know 3 kids and 3 stepkids and and commuting and working max hours and flying and church and mission trips. And you know it. It was a lot.

Different kinds of busy. And now I just don’t do anything when she’s here. I just play, and we, you know, and she we just have fun, and that’s I think that that is a vision that’s the blessing of the opportunity of retirement.

Yes, yes.

Spending time with those that you care about.

What comes up for me as you share that. And that’s so beautiful and so special is that idea of being present. And so instead of again, that dance card where we’re going on to the next thing. And we’re not really enjoying the moments that we’re in, you’re having your grandchild sitting on your lap. You’re spending that time with her. You’re with her, and then from there you move on to the next thing and be present with that. And so I think that we lose that sometimes in career.

Because we’re on the go. And there’s a lot of different things that we’re having to juggle. But we do have this opportunity to break those patterns when we move into retirement. If we’re aware of them that they don’t service, or they’re not, they’re not necessary. And also you bring up this idea for me around balance. And again, in career. Oftentimes, you know, if we look at a pie. And we say, there’s 24 in a day. Well, 8 or 10 or 12 or more of those hours were spent at work. And oh, yeah, we need to sleep. It didn’t leave a lot of extra time.

Now we’re in retirement, let’s rebalance, and that’s an exercise I go through with clients as well as how do you want to cut up that pie? You know what are the delicious pieces that you can make available to yourself and others.

That’s yeah. That’s very balanced. Foof It wasn’t. I always said, I’ll sleep in my next life, you know. I mean, I flew all nighters so that I could be home and get them off to school, and then and and picked it be there in the afternoon when they got home, and then when they were going to bed, I was going to work, and so there were many, many times.

And what a beautiful commitment that you gave to your family and your children, and gave them that foundation! And at the same time, now you’re the CEO of your life. And so if we don’t take advantage of those choices and be accountable for them, we can let society or others make those decisions for us. I had one client that came to me that wanted to map out retirement. We started working, and then it became very clear to me, and then I shared with her that it didn’t really seem like she was ready for retirement. Her family was really pushing her to retire.

They had all retired early, and they said you need to retire too. But she loved her work just as you did. She felt very gratified about it. She had good balance in her life, and so for her she just wasn’t ready. But yet she was going to go down that trail because others had kind of told her. That’s what she should do, and we know that that word should is external to us, and that’s we want to dig a little bit deeper and look at well, what makes sense for us?

Well, that’s great that you were able to point that out, and I’m hoping that she didn’t, that she was able to continue her life as she wanted.

Yes, and it was really a matter of kind of role playing, you know, and allowing her to kind of see how she could, you know, respond back, and you know, and really be able to share with people that this was important to her, and she was very happy with it, and she wasn’t short changing her time with them, although maybe she didn’t want to spend that much time with them. I don’t know. But you know, whatever that looks like.

That’s the case, too, you know. There’s the there’s the you know. Oh, no, he’s gonna be here all day every day. You know it’s hard enough to honestly, you know, in some marriages it’s hard enough to spend evenings, much less this 24/7 under the underfoot, so to speak, and so I’m sure you deal with some of that.

Yes, I work with couples as well. And really, I think the key is communication, because so often, if we don’t have a vision about what we want. 1st of all, then how can we really expect to travel with someone else? So it does start with really gaining some clarity and making that time commitment to well, what does this look like this next chapter for me? What do I want? And then asking our significant other to share their vision as well, and then see where there may be a disconnect or additional conversation that’s needed, and also just honor that we can do some things individually, and then things as a couple, and then we bring our experiences and the richness of that back into the relationship.

But if we don’t communicate, then there are assumptions, and there are expectations, and there are then difficult roads ahead, and we found that in the statistics that there is a rising number of people that they call silver splitters or grain divorces. But in any event, we’re seeing a rise, and it’s because of that oftentimes that disconnect. 

I have one client that retired from a very high-powered job. And as we started working together she was bringing up a lot of issues regarding her relationship. It really came out that she was managing her husband. So she had taken that approach at work. And now she was really looking at how was he spending his time? And was it productive? And so she could see that that was really a nonstarter. And that was really able to bring to the surface patterns that needed to shift in order to support an enjoyable retirement for her and for him as well.

So I want to mention, since you brought up couples that studies show that men and women, and these are generalities, but they move into retirement with very different mindsets. Oftentimes men look at it as a time of rest and relaxation, and women look at it as a time of rejuvenation and reimagining. And so, right there, we can see that potentially there’s a disconnect. But if we can honor each person’s approach and have that conversation about it, then we can move again down that path together.

Man, you know. I believe, when you mention communication being a key that is not just for retirement. This conversation is all conversation, and I do believe there’s a lot of us that are not trained to communicate. And we’ve spent our whole year, you know, lives walking on eggshells or wishing for something. And and you know, having I’m I’m sure that this conversation brings up some discontent or and or misunderstandings, or that patterns where we’re telling. 

Instead of listening, we’re we’re we’re coming in, not open to other ways of looking at things not being collaborative. So yeah, all of those things. But I think that where it is unique, because, as you’re sharing, I totally agree that there is that need for communication throughout. But now we’re in retirement and potentially, we’re in each other’s space 24, 7, which at least I know for myself and most that I’ve seen. That’s not what we usually see now after Covid. More people are working remotely, so maybe they’re in one another space.

But in the main that’s out of the ordinary. You know that now this person, usually you’d be going off to work, or you’d be doing other things. Now you’re potentially in each other’s universes a lot more than you were, so that alone needs a little more attention and acknowledgement.

And friends, I mean, I feel like each person in a couple should have outside interests outside friends, and be able to manage all that. I just think it’s a bigger conversation than.

Yeah, sure.

I’m sure it raises its ugly head inside your conversations with people about. You know we’ve not necessarily been happily married, but it wasn’t bad, but now it’s off, you know.

Yeah, like it raises up. Maybe the little bit of fractures that you know, weren’t really so evident that now there’s more time to notice those things. But you bring up that idea of connection and our circles. And I think that that’s an area of opportunity and real importance, too, because we know that if we leave work, we’re going to probably leave most of those connections.

Those work connections and relationships behind. It’s understandable. Even if we’ve had a great time with people. We don’t have that shared goal any longer with this shared vocabulary, the ebbs and flows of work. So we recognize. Okay, then that part of our connection is going to be diminished. And then we also look. A number of my clients have said, Gosh! I was so busy I didn’t really foster some of those relationships.

And now it’s too late. And I really challenge them to say, Is it too late? Because if that was somebody in your life you enjoyed. What would it take for you to just reach out and say, Hey, it’s been a long time I’ve missed you. I’m thinking of you. And so I really do invite that. And I get the feedback that wow. That really did make a difference and open the door, and it’s understandable. If you got a phone call like that from somebody, you’d welcome it. In most cases I would think so. Let’s make sure that

we take that 1st step and initiative and also develop fresh friends, you know, not just staying within the group that we’ve been. But how can we expand our social circle, because we know, as time goes on, that potentially that it’s going to get smaller, there’s going to be loss. That’s reality. So we want to make sure that we’re still expanding it, because there is that epidemic of loneliness that we’ve heard of in our country, and that hits really hard in the older years as well. And so what can we do but we have to take that accountability and take those steps to broaden our circle. We can’t just wait for somebody to knock on our door.

I have 4 agreements.

Love that.

Well, it’s the book I’ve probably recommended more than any other book over the years. I just feel like, don’t take things personally. And in my second book, the Split Second Transformation. Change your words, change your life. 31 daily practices, some of those I talk a lot. It’s just little snippets about how to, and you know I call it the elephant in the room is one of the chapters. I mean how to have conversation. And it’s about gratitude and loving, but not taking things personally. Yes, making assumptions is probably the biggest relief when you can step back, and another one is jealousy is the worst to me. Jealousy is the most wasted emotion on the face of the earth. I mean, it’s not going to generate warm fuzzies if you’re jealous of somebody.

It did.

It goes back to the communication thing and and feeling, you know, and looking inward, and not instead of outward. You know how we can.

Yes, and having that heightened awareness and empathy for others, and that true appreciation and gratitude like you said for those opportunities and things. So yeah, so not taking it personally, I think definitely can help us kind of step out of that ego or or detach from the emotional pieces that don’t really belong

Like, what’s so is where we are right now, it’s what so, and we get to deal with. Because that’s the only place we have to deal come from right? Right now, this is what’s happening right now and so often. You know, back in the day we called it garbage dumping, you know, we started that garbage dumping about. You get a lot of almost marriage counseling type stuff going on, even though that’s not your focus.

You’re Wendy Leggett. I’m just gonna say this Wendy Leggett, L E G G E T T. If confluxretirementcoaching.com C O N F L U X. confluxretirementcoaching.com I just want to get that out there, because people may be wanting to know more and get we’re here. We’re 40 min into this almost conflux C O N F L U X. And and you might want to understand, you know. Describe what that means.

Oh, the word complex. Yeah. I chose it because I love this idea of bringing who we are and who we envision ourselves, who we want to become and having them flow together. So we’re not giving up who we were. But we’re also then bringing in who we want to be, and a conflict is usually thought of as waterways when the 2 come together and join to one, and it becomes that much more powerful and so that’s where that’s where the name came from. It. It meant something to me, so.

I love it, you know. And I think that’s critical to have you know the meaning behind things. 

Thank you.

But anyway, so you confluxretirementcoaching.com. And of course, you know, most people ultimately would be not watching this on a screen. They’ll be listening to it as a podcast so I like to spell things out.

Well and in your show notes. If you do, I do have that little Mini retirement workbook. I call it the no regrets retirement. And so people are very welcome to just go to my website and then request it, or in the show notes. There’s a direct link to request it. But it’s a great exercise to go through, you know. I’m not going to say it’s not work, but you know, anything in life that’s important to us requires that investment of our time and our thought.

And so again, just like any of these milestones where people made these transitions, there was time and thought, so I think this is a great start to it. And then I offered a call afterwards to go over people’s findings or questions or concerns that they have. I’m very happy to extend that to your list. Oh, that’s great! 

Thank you so much. I feel this. I have a friend who wrote a book called Grief without Chaos, and she talks about getting things planned ahead of time as. 

Getting your wishes known and wanted. And so all of these things weave together in our in our as we move through as we enter these later years, and actually it should be done anytime. But you know we especially when we get a little bit older. And so I feel like you’ve got an amazing niche. 

It’s very gratifying, I mean, people come to me, you know, again, like confused. I had one teacher that came to me saying, I feel like there’s a death, you know, to not be serving my students any longer, and she really didn’t want to retire, except that her husband had retired several years before, and she wanted to spend time with him, and every year she had kind of put it off, but finally felt that no, this is really important. But yet she had that real conflict.

And so we are really able to step into 1st of all, normalizing. You’re not alone because she really was horrified that she felt so awful about retiring, but she did, and so just being able to share that with me and get that out on the table, and then also to be at choice, because I said, Well, is he saying you have to retire? Well, no.

of course not. Well, then, do you want to retire? Yes, I do. Okay. Then what’s getting in the way of that? What do we need to, you know, explore a little bit farther and further, so that you’re able to move into it in a way that’s more energized. And that’s what we want for people is we don’t want to leave our career at a low point, because we’ll carry all of that with us into the next chapter. It can’t help but be that way. So let’s have this powerful runway to retirement. Let’s start early.

Start mapping it out like you shared with your friend with grief, and mapping out those wishes ahead. Let’s have that foresight and make that little investment of time so that we don’t lose time like you shared. You know you lost months of being sad after you left your job. Let’s not do that.

Just lost. I mean literally you know. What am I? Who? Who am I now? You know me for all those years? Oh, I’m a flight attendant. I’m a flight attendant, I’m you know, and that has that. You know that particular career has a little bit of a mystique around it, anyway, and it was a hard job. It was hard work, but it was. It was my work, it was my life, and so I feel like the teachers are the same. You know this, how we it’s how we serve. And we get so much from that.

Yes.

And where’s that? I don’t know. Accolades isn’t the word, but the appreciation.

Yeah, yeah, just that feeling like, you matter? That you’re making a difference, that you’re connected with others. So yeah, so I hope that this has been helpful. And what other? What other questions or thoughts. Do you have that? Maybe we can share with listeners.

Yeah. So I love the stories that you’ve. You know you’ve shared, because sometimes I think the stories really sell, you know much more than you.

Because we can share.

Your teacher friend, and then, and also the 92 year old. I’m like, why, there’s why retire if you don’t, unless you want to. I mean, unless there’s a reason. I know pilots have an age limit. I think it was 60 at one time. I think it may be 65. Now that they don’t have a choice. Yeah. whole career their whole life. They were teenagers going through, you know, going into the military and landing on aircraft carriers, and now they’re you know.

Yeah, and that happens with athletes. But it happens with you and I as well, you know, maybe at a different level. But that’s our reality. And I think that’s where it’s just really important to start to have that vision and map it out and recognize that this is a new chapter. It’s not something you’ve ever navigated before, so it’s understandable that you’d have a lot of questions, and that things you could feel like. Oh, my gosh! I’m stuck, or I don’t know where to go with this but I think that by being mindful and aware ahead of time, then we don’t have to catch up after, because I’m going to think that you went through that really difficult time. And so then you have to pull yourself back up to neutral to then be able to climb again, which obviously you’ve done at the same time. It would be so nice to not have to go through that.

Well and honestly, it was that I retired on August first, or the end of July, and then my daddy died the same 2 weeks later a week and a half later, and then my daughter I mean everything just there was. I was just being hit with so many different things, losses in a way, at the same time. So it was tricky, and I don’t mean, “Here I am. I’m a flight attendant with this.” Underneath this bitterness, we’ve talked about. Sure, it’s understandable. Bruce Feiler calls what you went through a lifequake where it’s not just one transition or 2. There’s a lot of them all at once, and studies show that we go through those 5 or 6 times in our lives. And so if we haven’t learned about the power of transitions which you and I haven’t really spoken about, but that idea of recognizing that there needs to be this end, this close and this time of reflection before we jump into the new beginning. And it’s not linear. But so often people get to retirement. And then they’re traveling and they’re doing their bucket list and their to-do list and busy busy, and then the bottom falls out. So let’s go in with that idea of taking it a little bit slower, so we can speed up a little bit more mindfulness so that we can feel that there’s meaning.

And really getting clear on what really is important to me. What’s important to you? What is the most, you know? So often we are busy doing our jobs and things, and don’t have time to do it. Don’t take the time for introspection.

Yes, yes, there’s a lot of ways out there. If we don’t take that moment off, what do I do? You know? Who am I?

Not that clutter like you did for us at the beginning, with the deep breathing and just clearing out the clutter so that we’re not just caught up with all of our thoughts that swirl around or, like you shared, bringing 40 years old information in to make decisions and or have our expectations around, or whatever. Let’s really key in on what’s most important, like you said. So I do talk about it.

To me, it seems I’m talking to myself. I’m in a moment now of my life that I know it’s been a real chaotic few years, a lot of stuff going on. And I want to simplify, I think, by simplifying and cleaning out the clutter and getting clear. What’s you know? What’s more important? And do I? You know, how can I? How can I serve in a different way? I want to? I love you know as a hospital. I’m a server right? I’m a server, and I want to, I want to, you know, have people over again, and things like that. 

So you know it’s a good conversation for me, too, and I appreciate it. And so some of your clients, I mean guessing some start talking to you in their forties, and then some have been retired for a while, perhaps. Do you still have the retro like, like, for instance, I’ve been retired 2,008. That’s gonna be 17 years 18. I don’t know a lot of years.

Yeah. definitely. Generally, I see people in their fifties. I think somebody who plans it out earlier. That would be fantastic, because that just shows that they’re that they’re really insightful about, you know, these next milestones, but generally like in the mid fifties or so, and then, like you said then, after retirement, but ideally, if we map out that runway to retirement and we’re able to smooth it out. But it’s never too late at all. 

And so the people that I work with who have already retired we’re really able to dig into. What are those patterns or habits? What are some of those limiting beliefs that they might have? What are those missed opportunities that they just don’t see a pathway to? And also, as you’re sharing, you’re a giver. So that’s a value of yours. So really align our values with our actions because we know that when we’re in alignment we’ll feel more motivated, more commitment committed, and there’ll be more meaning.

So we look at all of those things. What feels purposeful? What is your value system? Those are things that we don’t spend time on, and sometimes having a guide like me to just move us through. It happens a lot more rapidly than you know, having these journal prompts or things which are also, if that works for somebody that’s wonderful, absolutely. But then just make that commitment to yourself to spell that.

And you know I will. We’re bound that that always goes so fast. But you know I witness a lot of people these days in the younger generation, I mean. Back in our day, you know you’ve had a career. You got a good job. You stayed in it, and you retired and got your. You know we call the 40 Year Plan right? 40 years, 40 and a watch, you know $4,400 watch, or whatever you get the 40 Year Plan, where you. you know, work and retire and sit home and watch TV. I mean, you know, and I think that that has been the. That is not the case in our society anymore. People change jobs much.

Yes.

More often, that’s where probably that word retirement will get retired. As well it should. but moving into another milestone and having a smooth transition, and that’s not going to change. So, however, people define it. I just really want people to have a retirement by design, not by default, and one that they’ve really created for themselves, and take that ownership. And be that CEO of you.

That’s awesome. And you know you, you talked about so many of the other aspects of your life, and that this is an aspect of your life. It is helping people through things, and you can. It’s obvious you have the passion for it. you know, and and the.

There you go!

Ill, and the, you know, truly making a difference. And I think most of us, most of us say we want to make a difference in our in the world. So it’s and I see that you are doing that and helping others find that difference for themselves as well. Right? So.

Thank you, Charla. Yeah, I feel very grateful. That I get to, you know. Walk shoulder to shoulder with my clients and help them make those discoveries so.

Well, so we’ve got Wendy Leggett. This is the 1st show of 2025. I’m so I’m ending next month season 2. So we’re gonna start season 3. This is a journey. True. And I had. And I just said intriguing opportunities when intriguing opportunities present themselves. And you say, yes, things show up. I said yes to this show, and here it is 2 years later. I’m like now what I mean. I probably need to figure out what I want to do with my show. Yeah, I mean, I need a lot of things. Need some, you know.

Yes.

Sometimes we just kind of roll into something and don’t really know how it’s going to play out. And so this has been fun. And I’m really grateful for your time to join me today. Wendy Leggett, confluxretirementcoaching.com. Is that any last words you got a last word? Are we good? Here.

Yeah, I think I just really want to, you know, impress upon all of us that it is your life, that wild and precious life. What will you do with it? And so be that leader of your life, and map out your vision and.

And have fun.

Oh, yeah, that’s true.

I don’t think we mentioned fun, but you know, if you’re not having fun. you know, don’t do it so.

Yeah, yeah.

So that’s another day, another story. But thank you so very much, Wendy, and we will see you next week on the Charla Anderson show collector and connector of fascinating people. Blessings, and 

Always, Always, Always Choose Joy.

Important Links

• Wendy‘s Email: wendy@confluxretirementcoaching.com
• Website: https://confluxretirementcoaching.com/
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/confluxretirementcoaching/
• LinkedIn-  https://linkedin.com/in/wendyleggett/

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About Wendy Leggett

Wendy Leggett is a Professional Certified Coach and owner of Conflux Retirement Coaching, specializing in non-financial retirement life planning. With 25 years of corporate sales leadership experience, she guides clients through a fulfilling retirement transition, focusing on well-being, identity, feelings of purpose, connectedness, and positive aging. Wendy holds advanced credentials from the Retirement Project, Retirement Life Plan, and Positive Intelligence and co-authored the book “The Retirement Collective”.

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As a Ziglar Legacy Certified Trainer, a retired award-winning flight attendant, Olympic Torch bearer, personal development junkie, Inspired Speaker, Published Author and Your Courageous Coach, I want to share my passion of living life full-out, saying YES to intriguing opportunities, and encouraging YOU to do the same. Let’s jump on a discovery call and get to know each other. Find all things Charla at CharlaAnderson.com/links.

On The Charla Anderson Show, We discuss Mindset, How much Your WORDS matter, Princess to Queen energy, mantras, HOPE, Faith, Miracles, Overcoming, and much, much more, including learning from amazing guests.

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