Recovering Loudly: Karen Rubinstein’s Transformational Story

Recovering Loudly: Karen Rubinstein’s Transformational Story

About Karen Rubinstein

Karen Rubinstein, Transformational Recovery Coach and founder of Women in the Rooms, joins Charla to share her powerful journey of overcoming alcoholism, trauma, and shame. She explains why women’s recovery requires a unique approach, how emotional sobriety unlocks true freedom, and why she is committed to Recovered Loudly – Breaking the Silence so women everywhere can reclaim their lives with purpose and joy.

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Introduction

Good, beautiful day, beautiful, beautiful souls! This is Charla Anderson, host of the Charla Anderson Show~Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (& EVERYONE is Fascinating!), especially you.

The foundation of Women in the Room is a safe and supportive community for women exploring their relationship with alcohol and seeking emotional support and spiritual growth. Karen Rubinstein’s work centers on helping women shed shame, reclaim their authentic selves, and discover joy, purpose, and freedom. Rich with empathy and wisdom, you’re going to learn a lot today. 

…BUT FIRST…

We’re going to take our 22-second mini vacation. We’re going to breathe in calm for seven seconds, hold for four seconds, and breathe out gratitude for 11 seconds. So let’s get some calm going here. Here we go. Breathe in some calm. Hold. Relax, release. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Taking a moment to be still and know they’re just listening to that still small voice. You need to do that multiple times a day.

I’m so excited to introduce Karen Rubinstein to you. She is from New York, almost New York City. She lives up there and she’s got the most incredible alternative, I guess, to perhaps a traditional 12-step program AA. She’s got a place called Women in the Room, and I’ve just been very inspired by how you’ve created all that. Karen, so tell us who you are in this world and we’ll talk about what you got going. So who are you?

Thank you. No, I really appreciate you having me. Thank you, Charla. Yeah, I am the owner of two cats that love to jump in front of the camera. I’m a deep transformational coach working with women in recovery. Specifically, I have over five years of sobriety from alcoholism. My sober date is May 25th, 2020. For me, it’s been a journey of like self-discovery, but what I’ve noticed over the years, one, the first year of sobriety, I lost like several people that I knew to alcoholism and addiction. 

And I’ve known about 15, a dozen to 15 people, I stopped counting because it’s too sad, who have died of overdoses or alcoholism in the past five and a half years. So for me, it’s a personal thing. I feel like I have a good, healthy sobriety, so I want to give back. And why I specifically chose women, one, 

I’m a woman, so I can identify, but two, with typical recovery programs that are out there, it’s heavily weighted on the male side. It’s male-dominated. Most of the meetings are like 90% men. In fact, a lot of the recovery rooms are called the rooms. And when I started going, you know, especially during the pandemic, it was mostly men showing up and no women at all because they were afraid. But I kept going, where are the women in the rooms? 

And now it is still just 10% women. And I’m like, where are the women in the rooms? Because statistically, it’s half the population has addiction or alcoholism problems. So, yeah, I thought, ‘Well, I know how I do my recovery.’ I have tools that I love sharing. So I created an online recovery community specifically for women, and I do transformational coaching for women struggling with their sobriety. And not just that, it’s way beyond alcohol, to tell you the truth, because if it was just as easy as putting down the bottle or putting down the substance or putting down your credit card, any addiction or alcoholism, everybody could do it. 

But it really is a lot of inner work. There’s so much more. I thought, you know, for years, and then I’ll let you go, but I thought for years that, oh, if I could just stop drinking, everything will be fine. Well, drinking was just a symbol of my problem. It wasn’t the problem. It was my solution. I was hiding in the bottle. I was using the bottle as a pain reliever and a way to escape. So once I realized that, once I did the inner work, I’m just, like I said, I’m just trying to give back, working with women who were struggling. And so that’s what I’m doing. That’s me.

Well, we met. So I’m one of, Brenda Byers, who is Prosper in all things. She’s a business coach for Christian women, and I would call her extraordinary. Totally extraordinary. We met through her through the membership portion of her Her plan prosper coaching right prosper in all things and She I mean when I when you first showed up you We really didn’t have a name for what you were trying to do. And it has evolved so beautifully. 

Your website is stunning and beautiful. The name, the women in the rooms, your confidence in knowing why you’re doing it, what you’re doing, and how you’re doing it is palpable. I mean, it’s really special to have been able to witness that. And I think your services are so needed. Yeah. The traditional AA, like you said, is male dominated, and there’s just some things that I don’t, I think some, I wouldn’t want to go to that kind of a meeting for some reason.

Why?

I don’t have a good reason why.

Well, you know what, I’m glad you’re saying that because actually I didn’t really want to go to a lot of recovery meetings and sit in a church basement the rest of my life. I was also embarrassed. There’s a lot of shame, and there’s a stigma. I didn’t want people knowing. I didn’t understand, like I just kept thinking I could stop on my own. And my husband, he knew that I had a problem. He didn’t know how severe it was because we’re, I can’t speak for all alcoholics, but I was very good with pretending. I was very good with hiding. So he didn’t know the extent of it. 

But yeah, so the shame and the stigma is definitely out there. And also, I just really didn’t understand like sitting in a church basement. I do go to the recovery meetings today, though. In fact, I went to one this morning, so I’m not poo-pooing them. They saved my life. And they’re great. And actually, I want to go to meetings. It’s funny, but the meetings are really for the people who want to go, not the people who need it, unfortunately. But that’s why, yeah, and that is why I create a space. 

And right now, we have Saturday morning meetings where I pick a topic every month to delve into. So, like, actually, for the month of October, it’s a Halloween theme, but it’s dealing with a not-so-funny topic; actually, we’re going to be discussing fear. Because I’ve discovered that under every emotion, especially anger, any uncomfortable emotion you’re going to find underneath it is fear. Like, what are we afraid of? And unfortunately, in our society today, there’s a lot of fear pretty much in your face. 

So I feel like my timing is really good for doing a service like this. So the Saturday morning meetings have been amazing. I just, yeah, so very deep, deep discussions, but we can go deep because the women feel safe. It’s a nice, safe, comfortable environment. And I keep getting responses like, oh my God, like I’ve never gone to a meeting like this. So yeah, it’s all about, connection and support. Nobody can do it alone. I discovered that you really do need a community for most things, but especially in recovery.

Very, very, very interesting. I’ve got so these meetings you’re doing is the Women in the Rooms is the name of your program. And there are different levels, I’m sure, membership of some sort, but how are they finding you? How are people, and what is it that typically will take the first person to go, okay, something’s got to change? I mean, that’s the first thing, recognition or awareness, right? So,

yeah, yeah, no, it all starts with wanting to get help. But right now, it’s word of mouth. And actually, that’s why I’m working with Brenda to get the marketing. I have to look at different resources, but there are rehabs that I’m contacting, things like that. And right now, it’s still in the initial stages, so for right now, the meetings are free. But yeah, there are going to be paid subscriptions coming up later this fall, probably, at least by January. But different workshops and things like that, and different benefits for the members. So, a work in progress, but so am I. So, but right now I got a little sidetracked because I just want, it’s, I keep honing it, honing it and, you know, working on like who I need to reach, but also I’m working on my memoir. So, I have a public agent who’s interested in the book And it’s about my journey, but it’s beyond that. It’s a memoir, but it’s self-help. It’s talking about what happened to me and how I recovered. 

Hopefully, the lessons that I’ve learned in the past five and a half years are universal that anybody could really benefit from. So I have a woman that’s interested in it. So I’m taking this month off to just focus on that. And also I’m a member of the NSA NYC, the National Speaker Association in New York. So I’m also taking time to take some courses that they have. They have a speaker university. So really getting the message out about like really trying to stop the shame and stigma and misunderstanding. 

There’s so much confusion and misunderstanding. about what addiction or alcoholism is. And that’s still that, and surrounding it, it’s encompassing, it’s just all shame and stigma and misunderstanding. And I’m like, let me get out there, let me speak, let me tell them my story. You know, I get so many people, they’re like, God, you don’t look like an alcoholic. And it’s like, what do we look like? We look like anybody that you know. And throw a pebble in any direction, you’re going to hit somebody with an addiction. We are all addicted to something, from binge-watching to whatever. It’s all escape, escape from pain, escape from fear. We have more in common than people realize.

Oh, absolutely. And I think I love your quote, you say, I recovered loudly because silence nearly killed me.

I think

I think that’s very profound. That’s your quote, you know, man. So you are recovering loudly as part of your passion and speaking up and speaking out, and the shame is a huge piece. I’ve got other friends who are really focused on letting go of shame. You know, we’re, there’s not one of us that has walked a perfect life and doesn’t have something that we couldn’t, you know, wouldn’t be good to either release, let go, share, support others or something like that.

No, it’s funny. I’m not, I’m not ashamed of my recovery. I’m also not ashamed of what I went through, um, because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know I had to suffer the way that I did, and I was suffering. You know, people are like, oh, you know, like sometimes they think of an alcoholic or a drug user as like, oh, they’re having fun, they’re partying. It was not about fun. Maybe it started as fun and social when I was in college and younger, but eventually it really was just pain relief. 

Yeah, so yeah, that’s one of the main things. It’s definitely not about fun. Oh, but what I was going to say is that I’m not ashamed about my recovery at all. You know, what kept me sick really were the secrets and staying quiet. So yeah, so I’m using my voice really just so people will realize that we’re not some person sitting under a bridge, like, drinking from a paper bag. We’re your mom and dad. You know, I’d look like a typical suburban housewife from New Jersey, because I am. And

I have a feeling, I’m pretty sure from witnessing things, that, you know, everybody’s staying home. You know, there are a lot of people that day drinking, you know, I mean, it’s just become a lot more common, it seems to me to be functional.

Whether you’re a real alcoholic or not, it’s a kind of habit in some ways, and I have a you know, so it’s an addiction, and people with an addictive personality. And I don’t think I’m one of those. But so, but I know someone who was an alcoholic, and he decided to start going to meetings, and he’s not missed a meeting that I know of in, I don’t know, 20-something years, 20, 30 years. And so there’s a, he’s shifted one addiction for another addiction, he goes, he’s addicted to the meetings, I think it’s a whole lot safer addiction, right, so to speak, but I’m just What’s your thought on that?

I think I find that a little fascinating. Actually, I don’t know anybody who’s not addicted to something. If you really think hard enough from, I don’t know, again, shopping is huge. Scrolling on the phone is huge. Anything that takes you away and anything and it’s not, honestly, it’s really not even how much you’re doing.

it’s why you’re doing it. Anything that takes away to escape from pain or to hide is a pain reliever. Now as far as becoming addicted to a meeting, people wouldn’t say like they work out at the gym every day, or I had a great aunt who went to church every morning, but nobody said, oh boy, is she addicted to church. So by going to a meeting every day, or if I went to the library every day to read a book, would people be like, ooh. So, going to a meeting, I love it. 

Like I went to one today and I can’t discuss what’s at a meeting, but I sit there and I listen and I hear so much wisdom. And then I feel that my service, giving back, is to speak my story and tell something. There’ll be a topic and I’ll reply and I’ll share. And it’s so non-judgmental. It’s so warm and welcoming. I wish that everyone had a program that they could do because I’ve learned so much about myself and about my my fellow man. So it’s a beautiful thing to be if you want to label it addicted.

Honestly, to tell you the truth, in the first three years, I didn’t miss a meeting. I was afraid. And then And then it became a thing that I felt like, oh, I can’t miss a meeting, because then I’m going to ruin my record. And I thought, well, you know what? I don’t think I’m doing it for the right reason anymore. So yeah, I see your point, you know? But for people who are getting something from it, God loves them, you know? 

And I love it. And the thing is, with me, I am I live, like, what I’m doing. I live recovery, like, 24-7. It’s just a part of me and giving back to people. So my service is 24-7. So my meetings, they fill me back up, you know, like, I mean by well-filled. So between God and, you know, going to meetings and talking with others and reaching out, I have a very, very full, rich life now that I didn’t have before.

That’s awesome. So Karen, it’s womenintherooms.com? It’s

KarenRubinstein.com and actually, oh, I did give you the one, the link for, I have the Mighty Networks link. There is an app. So if you, oh shoot, I don’t know. Let me see. Did I give you that link? Yeah. because I have them in the rooms but there is like it’s not just dot com because it’s an app. Okay. Karen Rubinstein.com and it doesn’t matter if they spell my name wrong. I have both domains. So Karen Rubinstein.com and they can go right there for check on the website and they’ll find a link to women in the rooms.

Go ahead and spell that because there are several ways to spell it, and most people listen instead of watch.

Yes, it’s Karen Rubinstein and that’s Karen, K-A-R-E-N and Rubinstein, R-U-B-I-N-S-T-E-I-N. And a lot of people spell it R-U-B-E-N-S-T-E-I-N. So one woman I met a few years ago at a speaking event, I said to her, oh, everybody spells my name wrong. And she goes, get both domains. I’d say that’s the best advice. I was like, that’s a good idea. So anyway. Anyway, so you’re good for you. That’s

don’t you love wisdom?

No, I was like, I can’t believe I got my name to begin with. And then to get the popular spelling to like, okay, so anyway, that was a little Godwink. I was happy about that.

Love Godwinks. When Godwinks, Squire Rushnell. Yeah. So I actually,

yeah, well, I kind of know. But anyway, that’s a whole lot. Yeah, it’s a long story, but yeah.

Well, anyway, we mentioned I thought that was a great name for these coincidences that happen all the time that aren’t.

I’m actually a friend of a friend and it’s such a funny story because there was like a little thing, but this friend of mine, he goes, I think I was the one that came up with Godwigs. I’m like, oh my gosh. But it’s a great term, so.

Yeah, absolutely. And they happen all the time. When you are open to them, they happen all the time. I’m like, oh, just another miracle.

Really,

I think God is working in warp speed right now. Literally, if you think it, you know, better be careful because of course, I say every word matters, you know, every word matters. But if you If you think it, you better be watching for it. Every word matters and you speak something into existence, so only speak what you desire.

You know, it’s so funny because you’re talking about when you notice it and they go on and on, God winks. The thing is, when I was deep in alcoholism, drinking, I couldn’t notice anything. So it’s sad, you know, like the more in tune I am and the more spiritual and connected with my higher power, the more I notice. So it is kind of sad. I missed a lot of life, but I don’t dwell on that, you know, like, you know, there’s a reason. there’s so many reasons why I’ve had a hard path from sexual abuse at an early age through to my 40s from different people. 

Medical doctor and a therapist, therapy abuse, that was traumatic. A teacher, you know, it’s like, well, these people that you think are like looking out for you. And sometimes, and I’ve lost financially. I’ve been through a lot and I for a while before I got like emotionally sober, which is a wonderful term. I’m not just sober, I’m emotionally and spiritually sober. There was a time I couldn’t get past all of the pain I have gone through, like, poor me, poor me. And we have like a cute little saying, poor me, poor me, poor me another drink. If I sit on the pity pot, you know, like, so now I look at it as they were all blessings because it’s It made me the person I am. And also, I have a lot of empathy. I’ve been through so much. There’s very few things that you can tell me that are going to shock me because I’ve seen it. 

Actually, I’ll tell you two weird things. I was targeted for a human trafficking circle when I was living in Los Angeles. And luckily I brought a friend with me to this party, otherwise I don’t think I’d be sitting here. But also in college, there was a fellow that was fixated on me and he used to ask me out all the time. And he ended up murdering the first girl, also named Karen, that he dated and went on to be a serial killer. So I have like some strange, hard things that I went through and I used to be like, why me? And they’re all lessons. And now I, anyway, but so, I don’t know how I got off on that. But anyway. It’s

just very interesting because, so you had enough experiences that you did have enough pain that, so 15 years of part of your life pretty much missing out of your conscious awareness, I’m guessing. So, but I mean, and you still function as a, there’s a term functional alcoholic, right? That many

people know and people are like, oh, people know. No, I had a friend. We were friends from like kindergarten to, you know, I knew her my whole life. And when I told her I was going to rehab, she almost fell off her chair. She’s like, what? What are you talking about? My husband knew I had a drinking problem. He didn’t know how bad it was until I was in rehab and he discovered all my bottles in the closet. 

So then it really hit him. But even, like, we rent a townhome in our super, who I see every day, and he’s like, nobody could believe it. I kept my secrets very well. I was able to work, not at full capacity though, you know, like, I definitely owe an apology to the guy who hired me because I just really was not there. So yeah, it was a sad chapter in my life. It was 15 lost years, very hard.

And you’ve got the rest of your life now. So there’s so much future and beauty and the way you, the giving back that you are so generous with just trying to create this community and you know, there’s a lot of we’re starving for deep connections, I think. And so we’re all connected, you know, but we’re not deeply connected. 

We’re not talking about what’s really happening. And, you know, we’re talking about what’s going on, but not what’s going on inside. So you’re opening a space for that, which I think is unbelievable. Very, very, very, very needed. And I’m grateful for that. I’m going to take a mini moment right now and talk about my I’m gonna insert my little commercial in here. I’m gonna take a little, speaking of drinking, take a shot of this beautiful golden Omega-3 oils that get your body back in balance. So we’ll be right back after my little commercial. Okay, Karen, we’re back. And I didn’t take my shot here of Omega-3 Balance Oil Plus.

Nice.

You got inflammation, you’re going to want some of this oil because it balances you out. In four months, completely getting, it’s a test-based nutrition. So.

That’s wonderful. You look fabulous. So it’s working.

Well, I’m 71 years old and I am fabulous. I choose

it.

Almost 72 next month.

Oh, you look great.

Anyway, so thanks for the mini moment there we took. So back to, Women in the Rooms, Karen Rubinstein, and you have some, you’ve got a program coming up about rewriting your story, and you’re a writer, and you’ve got so much to author about that, and tools to shift your thinking, right? Strategies. So what is a typical, so say I decide to go to Women in the Rooms or KarenRubinstein.com and look at your program. Where do I start? What do I do? What does it look like? Who do I, how do I get started?

Well, there’s workshops. I’m going to, I already had a workshop. It’s called the return method and basically like I said, alcohol was just a symptom or a symbol of like what my real problems are. were and that was, I really didn’t know myself, I was disconnected from who I truly am. So it’s basically, I create a system through lived experience, gathering of philosophers, some Carl Jung, absolutely. Some Byron Katie of questioning your thoughts, that goes into play. Carl Jung, I just, I’ve always loved his work, shadow work. 

I didn’t really understand it until I started doing it myself. And then, so I created something that I wanted to make something that is not intimidating, a softer way of approaching inner work, which shadow work, it just sounds scary. And I know that that prevents a lot of people that go into a 12-step program from completing the steps necessary. I embraced it, but not everybody is like me. 

And I was told you know, like people really get scared. So I thought, well, what’s a good way to do it? And I actually, I’m, I’m working on something else. Um, anyway, so the return method, um, reveal the story. And that’s basically kind of like backfinding take, um, take something from your past. It doesn’t have to be childhood, but usually is take an instant that happened who, what, where, when, why, um, So

return, the return method, the return is an acronym. The first word is reveal.

Yes. Reveal, explore, trace, uncover, rewrite, and nurture. So that’s- For

lasting emotional freedom. So you’ve got, it’s a beautiful acronym if you ask me, and you started to, explain what the reveal was, so do you want to explain the rest

of those

terms?

What you’re trying to do is, I didn’t understand that my thoughts were upside down. I didn’t understand my emotions. I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I was so disconnected. So that was a recipe for a hard life, which I had, with or without alcohol. Even before I dove into a bottle, I wasn’t really dealing with life very well. So when life got hard for me, I had no coping skills. So this is basically, you know, like even Aristotle, you know, like, understanding yourself is like the most important thing.

 I’ve read all that, I didn’t understand, but once I understand myself, then I have like a foundation and I know how to deal with life. So the return method, so reveal a story, take a story, so say my mother spanked me when I was a child. So explore the thought of like,

Go into it like, what was I thinking at that moment? Well, I thought I was bad. I thought I deserved it. I thought I was unlovable. you know, like these thoughts, because a child is going to try to interpret what they’re experiencing. And they don’t want to put their mother in blame. They’re going to say, well, I must have been bad. I deserved it. So those things are going to echo or I’m valueless, you know, like I was ignored a lot in childhood. I was like one of many kids. And so I felt valueless. These are thoughts that you don’t even know are stuck in the back of your head. That’s what is called shadow work because they’re the forces. 

These thoughts that are so ingrained in you that you don’t even know that they’re playing this tape. You don’t even know it, but it’s ruling your whole life. So explore the thought. Is that true? Am I valueless? No, you know, I have a lot of experience, like I have enough in me now to realize I do have value. Explore the thought. Is it true? So, we take it further. So, trace this thought and you can go through the history of your life. How my mother treated me or how my sister treated me. Let’s replace that with a teacher. 

And I had the same thoughts. I’m valueless. Or a boyfriend who rejected me. I’m valueless. Like, A teacher didn’t pick me in school, I’m valueless. Again, they’re not playing in the front of my head, they’re playing in the back of my head. They’re just reinforcing something I thought. So now by the time I’m 30, there is a part of me that truly thinks I’m valueless. Then how am I functioning? How am I taking care of myself? So that is, and then uncover the fear, and the fear is rejection, abandonment. and then rewrite the story. 

Well, we just wrote a really horrible story about ourselves, that we’re valueless, that we’re this or that. Let’s rewrite it. Let’s rewrite it in a positive way and start working on that. As a transformational coach, transformation is permanent change. A deep transformational coach, I’m taking my clients and we’re picturing the future, who do I want to be? Ask the caterpillar, like, oh, I want to be a butterfly. Okay, well, there’s your goal. 

I want to be a spiritual and emotionally sound and sober person, living a joyous, happy and free life. I have that. Those are my goals. But how, on day to day, do I have all of that? Sometimes I get disturbed. But every single day, every situation I’m in, I can look at it and say, who do I want to be in this moment that will move me to my goal? So now I can take a pause. I can use my return method very quickly. Just last week, I had a tiff with my husband, a misunderstanding. So I can halt and I can go through my head. What does this remind me of? Identify and say, oh, this is an old fear. 

This is an old story. I don’t need this now. And what do I replace it with? How do I rewrite it? I say, this is my dear husband of 35 years. He’s my best friend. My husband loves me. This is not the past. This is not another experience. This is now. And it brings me back to right now and I can stop it. And then, what do I want to do? I want to nurture this moment. I want to speak with love and kindness. And that is how I approach a situation. 

Do I do it all the time? I’m not perfect. But for the most time, this does stop me. And it does improve me. And it does bring me peace. And it brings a lot more love and understanding into my relationship with Barry, my husband, or with friends or strangers. It makes me a better person. And like I said, I sleep well. I used to be on antidepressants, every anxiety medicine, sleep medication. I had so many sleep disorders from night terrors to falling out of bed to sleep paralysis. I was on so much medication for years before alcoholism. I’m not on anything now and I just have peace of mind. So it works and I feel like it’s my mission to help other people.

It’s a beautiful story. One of the things that drew to mind, I remember learning. In Landmark, so we take something, something happens, something happens. It could be you made a F in seventh grade, you know, or you made an F. You make up a story about it. The story you make up is I’m stupid. I must be stupid. And really the truth is you just didn’t study or you just, you know, or you don’t take tests well. Something, there’s a truth behind it, but you make up a story and you plant it back here in your subconscious. And the rest of your life, you are commit, you, it’s self-fulfilling prophecy. See,

I told

you I was stupid. See, I told you I was stupid.

See, I

told you I was stupid. And it’s all about a story that you made up about something that happened. And when you know, when you’re not, you feel unworthy, or I’m not good enough, or I, you know, I’m, nobody sees me, whatever the story you make up, and plant back there. So your goal, and you’re having a workshop or creating a workshop, I believe, about rewriting your story using this return method. Is that accurate?

Yeah, yeah. I thought, you know what, what would be the least scary? And I have another, I don’t want to talk about, I have a whole other thing that I want to copyright or trademark that I’m working on along with writing. But the writing, I thought it would be fun. People love to like journal or, you know, like And it’s so important. I find that when I’m writing, what I think I’m going to write never is nine times. It’s like writing just is, maybe it’s more God-like because it just is something from deep inside me that comes out on the pages. 

So yeah. Again, I put a halt on it, and I’m working on getting the workshops ready for probably January, I thought would be good, once I can clear the deck with the agent and stuff. But yeah, so writing, rewrite your story. And I’m really excited about doing it. So I have a couple of rehabs that are interested in the work that I’m doing. So I will be, just gotta work on it, gotta work. very busy. My life is

never Yeah, never nothing. I like I said before, there’s never nothing to

do.

And there’s and there’s so I mean, we, we’ve got so much to offer our wisdom, our experience, and we want to offer support to others. And that’s just who we are is as, as typically women are very committed to that. And and so this is great work that you’re doing and you’re, you’re upcoming, you want to say the upcoming book the title is, working title I guess, is that? The

working title right now is Looking for Normal because my whole life I just was looking for what normal was because I grew up in a chaotic house. What’s a normal marriage look like? I was like a sociologist like going to friend’s house studying their parents or studying like their sibling relationships I didn’t like and then you know, there’s no such

thing as normal. This is what I tell my kids. I was like, there’s a very wide range of normal please stay in it, and they didn’t.

Well, yeah, but then I did get a vision of what normal was, and it was the picket fence, and it was, you know, the Volvo wagon, and I had all that. I even got the Labrador. I was so desperate to create a normal life. I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, which part of the return method, we talk about masks. What mask do we put on? So like for when my mother, If I felt like my mother hit me or my sisters were rejecting me, what did I do? I put on a mask to get their love. So I became perfect, and I became bubbly, and I became funny. The stress of not being who I was, it catches up. 

But you were talking about about the writing or the talents that we have and that’s what’s amazing is that when you get to know yourself and use whatever method, like I use my return method, but to get to know yourself is to really It is a spiritual awakening that they discuss in the 12-step program because the closer you get to yourself, the closer you get to your divine purpose and understanding that we all have a talent. 

We all have our own natural given talents that God really wants us to use during our lifetime. So it was a miracle five years ago when I was in rehab for five months, they had us perform a little a role-playing thing in one of our group sessions. And I lost the ability to, hold on a second, Frisco, my dog. I lost the ability to speak publicly when I was in high school. My throat would close up. And it started from freshman year. And I could barely do my mother’s eulogy at her funeral. And my husband, like, my throat would literally, I could barely squeak out a sentence or a word. and I did

role-playing in rehab and I enjoyed it and I spoke freely and I was like oh my god that that was the first time I’d been able to do that since I was like 13. So I kind of felt like well huh now I have my speaking back and I have my writing ability those are talents so I’m using them that’s why I recover loudly it’s like okay I can speak I guess I

will That’s amazing. So, you know, so often we want to be heard, and we don’t have the voice to be heard. I want to be heard for what I am saying and what I’m not able to say. I want somebody to love me enough to find those things, you know, or to have that depth of courage, the depth of confidence to see, you know, and really have keep keep asking the right, you know, more questions or whatever it takes to get to that, 

what really is, what really is going on, right? So it sounds like you’ve got, you’ve done that for yourself, you’ve got the method for your, your, your clients. And I’ve just been really taken by your story and all the things that you’ve done. And just this last year, I’m pretty, it’s been only less, less than a year, I believe that you’ve created all of this. It’s been a

five year journey. I mean, I always knew I wanted to get back somehow in recovery. Well, the first year I just really was just focused on myself and my sobriety. That was number one. By the second year, I started thinking, well, what’s my life purpose? And I wanted to work with people in recovery. By the third year, my sponsor, which in the 12 steps you get a sponsor, my sponsor and my former therapist, because I don’t even go to therapy anymore, they both said that I’d be a great life coach. And I was like, I don’t know. Then I found transformational coaching and deep transformation. and it just aligned with where I am and I could understand it and how important it was. And I thought, oh, okay. So then I took time off to study and do that. 

And then I got my coaching certification, life coaching, mastery and transformational coaching and started getting clients. But then Oh, less than a year ago. Yeah, you’re right. It was in December, I started, I decided I was going to form a community. So yeah, by the time that we met in early, early, early spring, it was all just beginning. So yeah, it’s been, but now like, I’m so happy about what I’m doing. I’m like, Oh, this, this is it. You know, this, this is great. So,

well, we’re almost, you know, this, the time always goes so fast. So you’re, can you, Describe the moment you decided to, I’m not doing this anymore.

Oh, the drink thing? Oh, well, my rock bottom. Okay.

Because we don’t have much time. And so this is a nutshell, but I want to, I’m just curious where that, where that came from and how, what triggered that and you know, if you care

to share. Well, I thought I was losing my mind and I thought I was going to die. And both of them were probably true. Uh, I was drinking a half gallon of alcohol a day. And if I had stopped cold Turkey, my doctor was afraid I was going to go into convulsions and seizures and dying of alcoholism. Um, you know, people, you know, you hear about overdoses a lot, but coming off alcohol is one of the most dangerous things that people could do.

And there is such an importance in going to a real detox, going to a hospital, going in and getting help. You can’t do it alone. You cannot stop. You very well might die. So I was in a danger zone. So your body is in an addiction, addicted to it, not just your… My bloodstream was so toxic at that point. I mean, a half gallon of vodka, I mean, it was… I was drinking non-stop, just passing out and drinking. It was during COVID. It was not pretty. So I was hallucinating. I was having pains in my side. My blood levels were definitely off. I was shaking so violently. 

By the time I got into detox, I couldn’t even hold a fork in my hand without dropping it. I was really, really, really seriously sick. and I’m just thankful. Then I went to rehab for dual treatment because they realized I had trauma. I had PTSD. I’ve been diagnosed with it from childhood and from the therapy abuse. So they were like, we recommend you go to rehab. And I, I was so out of it. I just was like, yeah, that’s, that’s fine. I thought I’d be home in a month. I wasn’t home for another five months. Best thing that ever happened. Um, I wouldn’t be, I don’t think I’d be alive today. So.

Wow. Okay. Well, thanks for sharing that. That’s a, that’s a, painful story and you chose so how do you choose a rehab and this is this will be our last thing because I know sure

I mean I found a detail I mean for a detox I my doctor found one and recommended but you can call You can find a detox. Unfortunately, there’s a ton of them because they’re needed. But at Detox, I had three choices. They did the research for me, so I didn’t really know. I just took their suggestion. Sorry I don’t have more, but you could go online. There’s tons of information. There’s tons of places to reach out to and talk to. So, yeah, I mean, if you need help, go to the hospital, call your doctor, go online for recall. I called a suicide hotline, but I do know that there’s specific hotlines now that you can call just to reach out. There’s peer counselors for, there’s just so many resources online you can find, just Google.

And I’m going to guess that as you build this Women in the Rooms, you will have a resource page, so to speak, that may help. Yeah, I

mean, honestly, with Google, it’s just so easy. I mean, I would just be repeating, if you say I’m having trouble with drinking, I need a rehab, you’ll find a million. I mean, they’re popping up like McDonald’s. So yeah, it’s not that hard anymore.

Right. But I’m sure there’s levels of professionalism and levels of, you know, I guess reviews make a difference too, so that’s something.

Yeah, I mean, I honestly, I know of several rehabs right here in New Jersey, Pennsylvania. Those are my, that I, I would go to any of them. I’m going on a retreat this weekend with a rehab I didn’t even go to. Yeah, I Google them, look them up, see what they offer, call them. Usually, though, it starts with a detox. Some of them have them in-house. I went to it separately and then they guided me. But anything you can do. And also, you know, there’s so many meetings. You can find, you know, a 12-step program. You know, throw a pebble in any direction.

You’re going to church. Just do it. There’s

so many resources, yeah.

But somebody has to have that drive to do it, or else, I mean. You have to want to. And then there’s, of course, otherwise there’s the intervention that some people may end up having to have. So anyway, this has been a great conversation. I feel like you’ve got so much to share and offer in your history and the grace to be the person that is kind of changing the shape or the idea and having it more as a community rather than a meeting, so to speak, I guess. 

So thank you so much, Karen, for coming. KarenRubinstein.com. And I’m looking forward to getting this out there in the next little bit. Please like and subscribe to my YouTube channel and go to charlaanderson.com/podcast. And it has the shows will also be there with a blog. So very nice blessings to you so very much. And we’re gonna want to always, always, always, always choose joy.

Important Links

• Website: www.KarenRubinstein.com 
• Facebook-https://www.facebook.com/karenrubinstein.recoverycoach
• LinkedIn-  https://www.linkedin.com/in/karen-rubinstein-recoverloudly
• Instagram-  https://www.instagram.com/womenintheroom

BOOK:

• The RETURN Method — Karen’s signature transformational coaching framework guiding women through a process of Reveal, Explore, Trace, Uncover, Rewrite, and Nurture for lasting emotional freedom.
• Women in the Rooms — A supportive online community for women in recovery, designed as a “home-like” space for healing, growth, and connection.
• 10 Tools to Shift Your Thinking! — Practical strategies to reframe your mindset and step into emotional sobriety. Download free on website
• Upcoming book: Looking for Normal (working title

 

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About  Karen Rubinstein

Karen’s work centers on helping women shed shame, reclaim their authentic selves, and discover joy, purpose, and freedom. Her upcoming book, Looking for Normal, blends memoir and manifesto to challenge the culture around women and alcohol while offering hope and a roadmap to recovery.

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