In a world that’s constantly bombarding us with images of perfection, it is easy to doubt ourselves and give up. Sue Welch created ChainMeet to remind you of your value and how to self-confidently be uniquely you.
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Inspiring Others Through ChainMeet With Sue Welch
Good beautiful day, you beautiful, beautiful souls. This is Charla Anderson, host of the Charla Anderson Show, collector and connector of fascinating people, and every one is fascinating, especially you. I’m excited to have my friend Sue Welch, who started ChainMeet. We’re going to learn all about that and how she overcame so much stuff. First, we’re going to do my wonderful little 22-second mini vacation. We’re going to breathe in some calm for 7 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, and breathe out gratitude for 11 seconds. Here we go. Can you join me? Breathe in some calm, hold, release. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I think if we did that a few more times in our day, we would have a little bit less stress. Don’t you?
That’s true.
Sue Welch And ChainMeet
Sue and I met at BRI Talks, and that’s with Terilee Harrison, and we’ve had such a beautiful explosion of that speakers group. It’s been great, but we made it a live event, and then we had a ChainMeet, which we’re going to learn what that means and how it can impact you and your world. I’m very excited to have Sue here. I want to welcome you and thank you for taking the time to join us and get to know Sue and ChainMeet. Sue, let’s learn a little bit about who you are in this world, and then we’ll talk about what you do.
I enjoyed our time together. I am Sue. I am a happy wife of almost 44 years. I am happy because he’s still putting up with me. He’s a good guy, but I’m also a happy mom of two amazing sons. I have two amazing daughters-in-law. I couldn’t ask for more. I’m a happy mom, but I am very blessed. Unfortunately, even though I’ve been very blessed, I have always struggled with self-image issues and a lack of self-confidence. It was something that my friend said to me and my husband said to me that woke me up and made me rethink what I needed to change. I need to change my life, my attitude, and my outlook on things. I’m also a registered nurse. I’m retired. I worked with surgical patients in the hospital and used to teach childbirth classes, but I now have ChainMeet.
ChainMeet is your baby. ChainMeet.org if you’re going to be checking this out. When someone gets a vision and they follow through with it, it becomes something. You’re the founder and it’s your baby, as you were saying. I know you have two grandbabies too. The babies are everything to us when you have worked so hard. Maybe give us a little bit about what ChainMeet is for or what it is or what it does. You also have a book called ChainMeet to Inspire Forward. It’s a little bit different concept. Why not? Let’s hear about it.
It was born from my struggles. A lot of us secretly struggle with self-doubts and lack of confidence. We don’t want anyone to know that we’re going through these struggles. That’s where a lot of our anxieties and depression came from. It got worse and worse. For several reasons growing up, I felt worthless, being called dumb, moron, blonde airhead, ditzy, you name it. That sticks with you even into adulthood. Even though I should think I should know better, it does stick.
My husband is a very smart man. I went to him for a little bit of sympathy and he said, “Sue, get over yourself. It’s not all about you.” Imagine being told that. It hurt, but I knew he was right. I knew that I had to do something. I did some self-help programs and different solutions, but I got stuck. They didn’t do anything. In the meantime, during that time, God gave me a dream. God speaks to me a lot in dreams. He teaches me things. He gave me a dream of having a website that would help other people like me who also have these same struggles, but I’m struggling. What am I supposed to do with this? I don’t know how to do this.
I tried to do it myself and didn’t know what I was doing. One day, my life changed. My friend Gina called me up and invited me to breakfast. That made my day. I was in a depressed funk and discouraged, but now I had something to look forward to. She treated me like a queen. We met at the coffee shop. She treated me to coffee and toast. That made me feel good too.
She kept going. She made me feel like the most important person in the world. She treated me, listened to me, and didn’t brush off my fears and insecurities. I gave the poor lady everything I was thinking of, but she didn’t brush them off. She encouraged me, affirmed me, and made me believe in myself. I did feel like a changed person after that. It was a couple of weeks later that it hit me with what she did and how she did it.
I practiced that and I realized that she took something so ridiculously simple and seemingly insignificant, a simple coffee date, but she transformed it. She made it into how my heart describes it as a soulful inspiration. She transformed me. That’s how I felt. When I realized what she had done and I saw her reaction during it, I could tell she was enjoying encouraging me. I realized I can do that. I can treat my friends like she treated me, but would it work? I did. I practiced.
I treated my friends to one-on-ones and treated them to coffee. I couldn’t afford a steak dinner. I treated them to coffee, something small. When I focused on my friend, affirmed my friend, encouraged her, and listened to her, that meant something. It means something when someone listens to you. I realized that when I could see how I could make her feel more confident and encouraged, I was feeling the same. It was coming back to me.
That’s when the light came on, ChainMeet. Gina had treated me to the perfect ChainMeet. When I did for others what she did for me, it was very liberating to know that I can make a difference in someone’s life. Even though I was struggling with my own confidence, I helped somebody else. The more I did that, the more I experienced a reciprocal exchange of that affirmation and confidence. I realized there’s something to loving others and then receiving it back in turn. That’s how ChainMeet was started. That’s why we focus on one-on-ones because that is the most effective way, the easiest way, and the most fun way to make an impact in someone else’s life.
That’s so incredible. Have you ever asked Gina if she had the forethought? Was she just being her or was she trying to encourage you? Did she have the intention of the reaction she had?
She told me that she had no idea the impact she made in my life. It was a while after that I told her what it was. I had to process a few things myself, even though I knew it was ChainMeet. I told her one day afterward, “Gina, this is because of you.” I told her then what she did for me. I didn’t tell her before that because I was still processing it myself. She had no idea. Knowing Gina, that is the person she is. She is a very loving, encouraging, and selfless person. Not all of us are like that. That doesn’t come easy to me, but it does to her. I love her.
Self-Love And Others’ Love
I can only imagine, that’s great. One of the things I tend to say a lot is bullies are victims too. People don’t love themselves enough for whatever reason to know how to love and treat others. When you don’t have self-love, the scripture is like, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you can’t love yourself, how are you going to love your neighbor?
God gave me two scriptures for this. It was based mostly on Proverbs 27:17, which says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one friend sharpens another.” The other one was in Hebrews 10:24-25 “Let us consider how to stimulate one another in love and in good deeds, not forsaking assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging each other, all the more as the day goes, days go by.” I realized what I had learned from Gina is others’ love. That’s what I call it, others’ love, focusing on them and then getting the reciprocity.
ChainMeet is founded on those two principles, others’ love and reciprocity. When I affirm my friend, I feel affirmed in myself. I did not learn that through a lot of the self-help programs out there. A lot of us do those, and I think they’re great, but the problem I had with many of them, and I spent lots of money, I plunged myself into that world, books, methods, mantras, rituals, programs, anything I could think of because I was desperate to find, and the keyword now is manifest.
I needed to manifest self-love. The problem I found with those is that they focus on what I call my me-box, my little box of me, myself, and I. I was instructed to prioritize myself. Every morning, I wake up, look myself in the mirror, hug myself, give myself a high-five, tell myself how great I am, and recite all these positive affirmations and mantras. That was it. Everything, the whole shebang.
They did work. They’re good. Affirmations and gratitude are good. They’re important. We do need them. It was the more I immersed myself in myself, it was all about me. The more I doubted myself and my worth because it was getting mechanical, forced, and fake. It was self-defeating because it was all about me. The root of the problem lies within myself. How could I be the solution as in most of those therapies of trying to find self-love? That was about the time when Gina invited me to breakfast and changed all that, focusing on someone else.
That is true. I recognize this a little bit too late in my child-rearing days. My son, my oldest, was so concerned about his self-esteem. We didn’t want to hurt his self-esteem. That’s pretty much a BS that they taught us about your child. I finally realized that your self-esteem is mostly all about you. It’s your self-worth. Your self-value comes from how you treat others and while you work with others. That was a big idea I came up with somewhere. It evolved in my head, “I don’t want to hurt his self-esteem,” but I did. Now, it’s all about him. Instead of serving others and becoming a gracious friend and giver, it’s all about me.
I get that. I’m a self-personal development junkie from way back in high school. I was like, “I’m high on life. I don’t need anything.” I’ve always been bent to that happy side, that outrageously optimistic side. I was insecure very insecure as well. I think most people have it, the imposter syndrome or whatever it is. You fake it till you make it, but I agree with you about when you’re not believing what you’re saying. When you say, “I’m wealthy,” and you have $0.15 in your bank account, you’re lying. I’m not saying that not to say them because I do believe they work. We’re manifesting things at warp speed these days. I will think of something and it shows up.
Social Media
My husband is smart. When I think of true friends, someone who loves you, they will be truthful with you. They won’t treat you like you’re so fragile that you can’t handle anything. I needed that truth. I needed to hear from him. Also, what you said made me think of social media. I love social media. I get caught up in scrolling.
The more I scroll through, I see all these filtered pictures and these filtered moments. Everybody looks so perfect. Their life is so great. I end up feeling worse about myself and dissatisfied with what I have, or what I don’t have. At the end of the day, after so much of that, am I feeling better? With all that, and with these self-helps, we should be on cloud nine, shouldn’t we? We should be doing great. It’s not working.
All this self-help and focusing on me is not working. That’s why I created ChainMeet. That’s why I promote others’ love because I believe in others’ love and reciprocity. Coming back to me, it’s good. That is what leads to genuine organic self-love. As we reach out to others, it also has a genuine organic societal impact too, affecting the people around us.
It raises the energy and the whole place when someone witnesses happiness. My little Candy Bar Hugs book is a tiny book with a big message. It was about offering a candy bar and a hug, one of the girls said, “Nobody has ever offered me a candy bar before this. That’s the nicest thing anybody has ever done.” I offered her a hug. She said, “You have no idea. I just found out my mom is terminal today.” That’s a story in my book, but it doesn’t take much to make a difference.
I guess that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what you’re talking about. It doesn’t take much. A candy bar and a hug, I can afford that. Even when I don’t have enough for myself, I can afford that. I didn’t like the elbow bump face. There’s another chapter, and we’re talking about a tiny book. That one is a little book with a big message.
Some people don’t love themselves enough to even be able to receive. They’re so skeptical. What’s your agenda? The idea for ChainMeet is, “Let’s go have some coffee. Come over, backdoor friends. Let’s have some coffee, tea, a glass of wine, or whatever it happens to be to get out and be with people with skin on.” We’re on these machines all the time, but there’s no human touch.
This is good. I see you. This is better than texting or better than social media because we’re seeing each other. At the same time, this is virtual. I’m looking at you, but I’m looking at an image, and there are still things that we miss. You only see me from here up. There’s a lot of body language going on that you’re not seeing. That’s a lot of our conversation.
We need to see each other. Even with face-to-face, eye contact is a big thing. What it does for us is it releases feel-good hormones when we’re face-to-face. Something that we need to dispel is that people think that if I look you in the eye, I’m going to see everything about you, that I’m going to see inside your soul. I found that very scary. Before, at the beginning of all this, I had a hard time being one-to-one face-to-face because that meant I had to look at you and you had to look at me. That was very uncomfortable.
We need to see each other face-to-face. It allows us to release feel-good hormones. Share on XI realized that you can’t see into my soul. I realized that it made me feel good, to be face-to-face and eye contact, because that showed me you care. It showed me that you are engaged in our conversation and our connection. The thing is this is not rocket science. It’s so simple. That’s why I love your little book. It’s so simple. It doesn’t cost hardly anything, a candy bar, a cup of coffee, but it’s so simple and trite and cliché. We tend to like things that are programmed, a method that costs $59.99 because that means it has value. Something like giving yourself to someone has even more value.
As you focus on others, you can learn that you can be your authentic self in doing that and it’s okay because everybody can ask you, “How’s your day today? Tell me about your project. What do you think about such and such?” When you focus on the other person, you’re not feeling self-conscious about yourself. That’s how I grew. It’s getting over myself as my husband told me.
I love that too. Get over yourself. If a complainer continues building tracks in their brain of more to complain about, they attract more to complain about. After a while, nobody cares. Your husband was like, “Get over yourself. Who cares? It’s not all about you.” I love that he was able to say that. He probably felt bad saying it, but it was life-changing for you.
What if we started this self-focus? You offended me and I’m a little over this spirit of offense that people walk around with. I had no idea you didn’t like the color gray or blue. I didn’t mean to wear it. People don’t know somebody else’s idiosyncrasies, preferences, or whatever. You don’t have to live there. You don’t have to stay there. You may have your preferences, but you do not have to enforce them or have other people be enforced to honor yours.
I think I said on one of my shows, “Authenticity is the new sexy,” and he’s like, “I’m texting that to my wife.” It is because it’s real. People are so attracted to genuine, honest, and true people of integrity. People are attracted to them. I make a lot of friends in the grocery store. I don’t go to the grocery store often, but I make friends in the store because I feel like we’re people. Perhaps it’s I’m open to “How you doing?”
Just a smile.
Often, we’re in a hurry and all that, but taking a moment and having a small conversation, “Here’s a cart. You don’t need a quarter alley.” I shopped in Germany back when I was a flight attendant. I was like, “A euro to get a cart? No, thank you.” I didn’t realize they gave it back for a long time.
You never know what kind of day someone could be having. I know people say, “I don’t need ChainMeet. My friendships are fine. He’s fine. She’s fine. I’m fine. We’re all fine.” I don’t know how many people know that I struggle. Maybe some did. I don’t always know what struggles you may have. All I have to do is say, “Charla, let’s meet for coffee.” Maybe that’s the day that I can encourage you and affirm you. It doesn’t have to be you telling me all your innermost struggles. Sometimes the attention and the focus feel good. Sometimes you can make a difference in someone’s life like what Gina did for me and didn’t even realize it.
Community Building
Organizationally, how is it the idea for it to be a movement? When you have intentionally called somebody up to have a ChainMeet, the reason you call it chain is that it’s a chain reaction. It worked for you, so you did it for others and kept it going. That’s a big deal.
Just keep it going. Repeat the ChainMeets. God gave me the word chain in the dream. I had to figure it out after that. It was because, like my chain here, when we meet together, there are two people linked together. I’m hoping either I will do it again or help that person meet with somebody else. Each time, we realize that we can impact someone else’s life, we do it again. The more ChainMeets, the stronger the chain and the stronger the support around us.
We feel confident, supported, valued, and have a sense of belonging. That’s something I struggled with. I want a sense of belonging. When we feel all those things, we’re more apt to step out and move forward with whatever our dreams are, whatever our goals are. When we don’t have that support around us like a chain, I want to keep this chain of positivity going, that’s what motivates people to be their unique selves for the world.
Four-Step Process
Structurally, you have a website, ChainMeet.org. The idea is to give people the tools, and you have a four-step process. You can talk about that. You give people, first of all, the idea that “Maybe I should be a little more social.” Inviting people, so you give them the idea about it perhaps, and then a tiny bit of structure or outline on how to do that. Perhaps, the movement is like there’ll be people sending selfies of their ChainMeets back in telling their stories and encouraging others to do the same. It’s a nonprofit. I’m sure you take donations and encouragement on your site. You have all your social media. It’s ChainMeet on Facebook and @ChainMeetLife on Instagram. You’re Sue Welch, I’m sure you’re in there as well.
The website talks about the four-step process; meet, treat, eat, repeat. It’s quite simple. To break it down, it’s what we’ve already said. You meet and make the invite. The beginning of it starts with the invite. That itself made my day. The invite, the meet, and then the treat. How does it make you feel when you’re treated? I don’t necessarily grade what the treat is. It could be a steak dinner, a pizza, or a burger. That would be nice. Even a cup of coffee is nice. It was a treat. That’s the second step. Offer that treat.
When you’re at the counter ordering, just say, “It’s on me.” That makes a difference. The eat part is what I call the fellowship part as you’re eating together. There’s something profound about sharing food and drink together. It does enhance your experience and your connection together. It helps to eat while you’re talking. It helps to do that and breaks down the barriers. The repeat is what I say is the most important because it’s for your personal growth, as well as for your connections. The more you inspire forward, the more you inspire within, so you can and you’ll want to inspire forward again.
The steps of the website focus on those four steps. We became a nonprofit because it’s a mental wellness tool. It’s a resource. There are other methods out there to be yourself or others. This is a resource, but it’s fun, easy, super simple, affordable, and doable for anyone. That’s why we went nonprofit because I don’t want to charge for this. It’s free to use. I would love to hear stories when people do their ChainMeets. Post them on Facebook. Take a picture of yourself with your friend, and post it.
What I ask is that you would tag ChainMeet on Facebook. If you’re on Instagram, tag ChainMeetLife, tag your friend, and tag the restaurant that you went to. Say, “ChainMeet with my friend, and we had a great time.” You don’t have to write a whole lot. I’d love to hear stories of people who were transformed by a friend and the focus that that friend gave to them. Plus, I would love to hear stories on how you, somebody out there, were able to make an impact in someone else’s life and to breathe hope and support in someone else’s life.
Even if you did it several times a week, it could add up. You could even meet in a park and have fun, go swing, sit on a seesaw if they still have those, and find something that works for you in your normal day, “I’m going to the grocery store, why don’t you run with me?” You don’t necessarily have to spend money, and you don’t have to go to the big bucks store. There are a lot of independent coffee shops that are a lot less expensive than that.
Meeting face-to-face is great, but as you said, the very first thing is picking up the phone and having a real conversation and listening. This is where you could have training in how people can learn to be engaged and listen. Probably it ought to be a rule that you don’t have your phone going all the time. My friend who is another show host has events where you don’t take your phone.
I’m trying to think what she calls it. I do remember seeing that.
There’s a lot of positive things happening in our world. As horrific as sometimes things seem, these floods and hurricanes are probably devastating some places as we speak.
We’re losing our ability to see each other and meet face-to-face because of digital communication, which is great. It’s awesome. It’s convenient, but it can’t replace the personal human connections that we were created for. God created us for each other.
We are losing our ability to see each other in person because of digital communication. It may be awesome and convenient, but it cannot replace the human connections we were created for. Share on XRelationships And Gratitude
It’s relationships. I don’t talk about religion much. I talk about relationships. I believe religion has divided us in so many ways, but relationship with the creator and with your fellow man. Something occurred to me while you were speaking, and we mentioned the hurricanes and things. A lot of times, communities become much closer after a disaster or after something happens. Nobody wants those things to happen, but it does bring people together. There’s another aspect of that. A lot of communities come out stronger.
We realize the importance of each other.
We can’t do it alone.
That’s great because we’re not meant to.
That occurred to me too. I’ve known that, but whenever there’s a crisis in a man, people show up, people come out of the woodwork to help, and they send help from all over. I guess that’s an upside. In everything, give thanks. I am thankful. I lived in gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’m not even saying what I’m thankful for because I’m not thinking about what. I’m thinking about just thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. When you live in that gratitude, everything is always working out for me. If you can live in those positive mindsets even when it doesn’t look like it’s working out for you, you’re still where you are. You might as well find the best you can out of each moment because you can’t change it. You can’t change where you are.
It helps to have the support and the love around you. We’re there to support each other and uplift each other. What I realized is that my excuse was that I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. I don’t mind doing that. I don’t know how to do that. I’m uncomfortable doing that, but those were all excuses, we’re called to uplift and support each other, but it helps to have an easy way to do it. That is why I created ChainMeet to put it out there to help others.
I didn’t like the way I felt about myself. When I see someone who is like that, I feel bad for them too. I feel compassionate towards them and say, “Here’s something you can try.” ChainMeet may not be the world’s best thing that came in, but it’s something that you can try. What do you have to lose by calling a friend and saying, “Let’s meet for coffee,” or “Meet at the park and here, have a piece of candy.” Share something and share yourself.
I think there are a lot of disconnected and lonely people. Maybe it’s not always a friend. Maybe it’s a neighbor that you don’t see or that’s shut-in, that you could take a cup of a piece of pie to, or a cup of coffee. One of my sayings is you can’t change the world, but you can change your world, which changes the world.
It’s okay if it’s one person at a time because when you help someone feel better, they will likely do the same. Maybe they’re not reaching out to other people because they don’t feel comfortable doing that. When you help them, they can help someone else who can also help someone else. I want this chain of positivity. That’s why I like to see this as a movement. It’s alive and a ripple effect of positive affirmation, spreading from one friend to another. Keep it going. We have so much negativity in this world. Something that made me think of before is that I used to believe that if I put someone else down or gossiped, I would feel better. Here we are. If I lower somebody, there I am above, but then that doesn’t happen either. Degrading other people can’t lift anyone up. Give it a try. It sounds counterintuitive to focus on you, ask you about you, encourage you, and make it all about you. What about me? That’s the beauty of one-on-ones with ChainMeet. That’s why we focus on one-on-ones. The beauty of it is because it comes back and it comes back real and organic, not fake and forced, and telling everybody and even myself how great I am.
I agree so strongly. Gossip is not something I care to participate in even a little bit. As a flight attendant, we would sit on the jump seat and look at People Magazine or the Inquirer or whatever they were looking at at the time. I was like, I have too much going on in my own life. I don’t need to know what’s going on in anybody else’s life. I don’t care. I don’t care about their stories, the celebrities, and all that kind of stuff. I care that some people need help or hope or whatever. I’m an encourager too. I have a saying, “Encouragers need encouragement too.” Nobody is 100% positive every second of every day, even me. I am most of the time, but sometimes I’m not.
Asking Questions
Who knows? Somebody will come along that day or the next day and help make a difference. I don’t mean to tout the book, but I do have a chapter in here for people like me who didn’t know what to say. We meet, but what do I say? I wanted to help people ask questions. There’s a whole page of different questions people can ask to get the conversation going.
Show the book and say the name. Be proud. You’ve written a book and published it. This is great.
ChainMeet to Inspire Forward: Simple Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence, Elevate Friendships, and Make a Positive Impact in the World. You can do all three with one little book.
It’s on Amazon. I sense that there are so many lonely people. They don’t necessarily realize it themselves sometimes I’m pretty sure. I had a bunch of 30-somethings living with me, and I witnessed they’re always here. Even in the same room and all that, there’s a lot of entertainment. That has risen to the highest. If you’re strong in your values and you know what your moral values are or your moral compass, where you spend your time and money is where you can do a check on what your values might be. It might be family but if you’re scrolling all the time, is family your highest value? It’s something to think about.
In my second book, Split-Second Transformation~Change Your Words, Change Your Life: 31 Daily Practices, in one word, you can change your life. Discourse, discussion, agree to disagree. In this divisive, fearful, angry world that we’re witnessing, can we agree to disagree? Here’s a sentence but we must have completely different sources of information. Where did you find your information? How did you come to that opinion? Asking and having a discussion rather than losing family and friends.
Right, because you understand each other. You have to have a conversation to understand each other.
You have to make a conversation to understand another person. Share on XIt’s not that I’m right and you’re wrong. I call it the Jerry Springer mentality where if you hit somebody over the head with a chair and say, “I’m suing you because you don’t agree with me,” or “You made me mad.” By the way, nobody can make you angry, mad, or upset without your permission. Walk around in a shield or an aura of “You can’t hurt me no matter what you say.” I have to take it personally. You could have taken what your husband said so personally that you would have spiraled.
I did until I had to admit he was right.
That took a strength of character for you to recognize and do the self-evaluation. Why would he say that? What do you mean it’s not all about me? I don’t think it’s all about me. Maybe it is. Maybe every time I think, I’m wondering how I look. I was very self-conscious too, very shy and young. Even in my 20s, I was a flight attendant, but I was still very uncomfortable speaking up in high school.
I hyperventilated because I had to stand up in a classroom and introduce myself. One day, I was like, “Everybody else is telling about themselves. All they care about is themselves, how nervous they are or not, whatever, but they don’t care if I stumble over my words.” I’m not sure why I got off on that, but I feel like I was so shy even though people would not think of me as being a quiet and shy person, I was very.
The difference you’re making in many people’s lives with a simple hug and a candy bar. That’s what I love about your book and my book is that it can be so simple. It doesn’t have to be hard. The more we have conversations, the more we can understand each other and even understand more of where we come from. Who knows? Sometimes maybe they’ll say something that we never even considered.
Ronald Reagan had a quote. He said, “All great change starts at the kitchen table,” because that is where you sit and talk with each other. I am shocked sometimes, and very saddened that we will go to restaurants, and there’s a family there, or even a group of friends, and each one is on their phone in their own little world. What’s sad to me is that the parents are on their phones and the kids are on their phones. I was like, “This would be a great time for you guys to talk to each other and learn about each other and where you’re coming from.”
Do you think people don’t want to? Do you think they either know how or aren’t interested enough in others? I don’t think they have enough self-love to do that. There is that. If you are only interested in yourself and your opinions and your stuff, it takes effort. I think this is a great start. I think you were talking at one time about teaching this a little bit on college campuses and starting there.
Real Friend
We have a little workshop. I do have about an hour’s workshop where I’ll teach the four steps and why, and a little bit deeper and how to do each step and why each step is the way it is. You get to practice a little mini ChainMeet with each other. I have you split up into twos and count from one, two, one, two, one, two. The ones, for example, will be the treaters. They’ll be the initiators, so real friends. I call it an RF, they’re a real friend. I consider myself an ESRF. I am an expert student real friend because I haven’t arrived, and I’m not there yet. I’m still learning.
A real friend is a friend in action, one who is intentional and will call the friend, make that treat, and focus on the friend. I call the VF as your valued friend, the one that you are going to invite. I have them split up. The RFs will treat the VFs. I provide the treat, and they have 10 or 15 minutes to practice that focused conversation and asking questions. I give them examples of how you can get that started. They’ll switch and take turns being the RFs and the VFs.
That’s very cool. I’m glad we circled back to that. Are they rocks, the RFs and VFs?
They’re my rock friends, my little mascots. Their names are Rock and Roll. Real Friends Rock, as they like to say. They call the two foundations of others’ love and reciprocity as the bedrock of change. They’re my mascots.
Others’ love and reciprocity. If you can say that word, it’s one of those stuffies. I am glad I remembered that piece because I think that’s important. You do have a workshop. You can speak or you can perhaps create a mini course or something along that line that will show how to do that. It’s unique. I can see it. I would love it to be a movement and to get people motivated. I thought I was going to start a movement with Candy Bar Hugs. I have a Facebook group, but life happens. It’s still there but it’s not very active. It’s another thing where, “What small thing made a difference in your life, or what have you done to make a difference?” It’s a similar mindset.
Isn’t it a joy when you give someone a hug and a candy bar? There’s a joy in treating somebody else nice and supportive and encouraging, isn’t there?
Yes, there is. I enjoy giving my little tiny book away often. I feel like it’s on Amazon, but I carry them with me because it’s a little treat. I gave it to someone last night at dinner. It is a tiny book with a big message.
Tiny can be powerful.
We’re in a Twitter world. We’re in the X world, whatever we’re in. We’re in this short and sweet. Nobody’s going to read four pages of email anymore. It’s better to get your points across, and better be concise. As you said, it doesn’t have to be complicated. One of the things in my book, I think it also says unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, not unconditional boundaries. There’s that. I say, “The harder people are to love, the more they need it.” When you have compassion and empathy and those soft skills, or whatever they call that, just care and compassion.
We learn that compassion.
If you don’t have it, it doesn’t mean you can’t. You can. These are learned. You chose. It’s all a choice. You chose to take action, to make a difference, to self-introspect enough, and to figure out that you needed self-love. It wasn’t about what’s out there. It’s about what’s in here, how can I make a difference, and how can I make a difference in your life, which is the self-worth we talked about earlier.
There’s nothing wrong with self-worth.
Self-esteem is different from self-worth. Self-esteem is pretty much about me. I think we were talking about this before the show. I was so concerned about my son’s self-esteem. It was all, “Don’t hurt my self-esteem.” You can’t say no, he takes it and runs with it. Self-worth is how you treat others. Self-worth is how you treat someone else. Self-worth fills your worth. It fills your worth. It’s exactly what you’re talking about. Self-worth is how you see that adding value to others comes back to you as your worth.
I also have on Tuesdays a weekly email that I put out. I mentioned the word frintentional friend. That’s what I call it. It’s called Frintentional Bits. If I were to ask you, what does the word frintentional mean? What would you automatically think it means?
Frintentional. I think it’s a darling word. I think it’s so cute. It’s about being friends intentionally.
Being an intentional friend. My email is very short. I plan it so you can look at it in under 60 seconds. short and sweet, little tips and bits about being a frintentional friend, being a real friend.
We can always use ideas on what that looks like. Good for you. That’s great. How can people get on that email list if that’s something of interest to them?
If you go to the site ChainMeet.org, there are several areas on there where you can sign up for the email. There’s no obligation. There’s no cost. It’s Tuesday mornings, little tips.
That’s sweet. Are they things that you write yourself generally?
I do. I love quotes.
I love quotes too.
I take quotes and I say, “That’s a good quote. That’s for business. I’m going to tweak it for us little ordinary people.”
Episode Wrap-up
That’s great. I’m grateful for you. It goes fast. It’s already time. Time’s up. Thank you so much, Sue Welch, with ChainMeet.org. I’m grateful for our friendship and our time together. You’re inspiring to me.
You are too. This was like a little hug to me.
Virtual hugs. We want to get real hugs. That’s the deal. That’s the goal. Have real skin on, hugs with me.
Face to face.
People with skin on.
Touch is important too. We need physical touch.
I think we’ve been isolated a little bit too long. It’s time to meet up and pass it on.
Time to get real.
Get real and authentic. Learn to love people. As I always say at the end, you’re perfect exactly who and where you are right now. You don’t have to be anything. God loves you exactly who and where you are. You can’t do anything to be loved more or less by God. I love you. I always end with my choice. My name means joy in Greek and chats in Spanish, but I always end my show with, “And choose joy.”
Important Links
- http://www.ChainMeet.org
- Sue@ChainMeet.org
- https://www.Facebook.com/ChainMeet
- https://www.LinkedIn.com/in/sue-welch-855b4290
- https://www.instagram.com/chainmeetlife/?hl=en
- https://Amzn.to/3Nl1RxE
About Sue Welch
In no particular order other than in my mind 🙂 I am a happy wife of almost 44 years, mom of 2 amazing sons, Gma of 2 grands, blessed mom-in-law of 2 awesome daughter-in-loves. Born & raised in the MD/DC area, Tom’s job transferred us here to Arlington TX; we love it here & will stay forever.
Despite being blessed beyond measure, I secretly struggled most of my life with negative self-worth issues. After my husband got frustrated enough & told me to get over myself, it’s not all about me, I sunk even deeper into self-hatred. Realizing he was right, I plunged into the world of self-helps & self-love programs. They were helpful in the beginning, but I finally gave up on them & the mechanical, forced & fake means to achieve self-love, which was focusing solely on me-myself-&-I. Then my friend Gina changed my whole outlook by a simple coffee date. How she treated me & what she taught me led me to create ChainMeet, to help others with the same struggles to find liberation & hope in being their authentic unique selves for the world. It is liberating to know we can be ourselves to make our mark in the world, to make a positive impact in the world.
ChainMeet provides hope in that we can enhance our own self-image & self-confidence with such a simple blueprint that is affordable & fun. I am a retired Registered Nurse, but I am not a friendship expert, nor a coach, nor a counselor. I consider myself an Expert Student RealFriend because I am an ordinary person who is still growing & still learning how to be the RealFriend I have always wanted to have & be.
ChainMeet addresses something near & dear to our hearts: nurturing self-worth & self-confidence. In a world that’s constantly bombarding us with images of perfection & standards we feel we can’t meet, it’s easy to doubt ourselves & give up. But ChainMeet was created to remind you of your value & how you can self-confidently be your Unique You for the world.
ChainMeet is all about lifting each other up. It’s a refreshing new approach to our mental wellness: realizing a greater personal sense of value & self-worth, and making a positive impact in others’ lives. And we do that through our super-simple 4-step Blueprint, Meet-Treat-Eat-Repeat.
The best part is, it’s not just about offering Others-Love – it’s about Reciprocity too: When you affirm a friend, you will feel affirmed too. When you help a friend feel more encouraged & confident, you can’t help but feel a little boost of confidence yourself. It’s like a chain reaction of positivity that leaves everyone feeling uplifted & empowered. Together, we can nurture our self-worth, build our confidence, & impact the world, simply one ChainMeet at a time!
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I’m Charla Anderson, host of The Charla Anderson Show, Collector & Connector of Fascinating People (and EVERYONE is Fascinating!) on live TV, streaming and podcasts. As a Ziglar Legacy Certified Trainer, a retired award-winning flight attendant, Olympic Torch bearer, personal development junkie, Inspired Speaker, Published Author and Your Courageous Coach, I want to share my passion of living life full-out, saying YES to intriguing opportunities, and encouraging YOU to do the same. Let’s jump on a discovery call and get to know each other. Find all things Charla at CharlaAnderson.com/links.
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